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Eunuchus; or, The Eunuch (978-1006b)

urn:cts:latinLit:phi0134.phi003.perseus-eng2:978-1006b
Refs {'start': {'reference': '978', 'human_reference': 'Line 978'}, 'end': {'reference': '1006b', 'human_reference': 'Line 1006b'}}
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Master, in the first place, I would have you persuaded of what is the fact; whatever has happened in this affair has happened through no fault of mine.
LACHES
What is it?
PARMENO
Really you have reason to ask. I ought first to have told you the circumstances. Phaedria purchased a certain Eunuch, to make a present of to this woman here.
LACHES
To what woman?
PARMENO
To Thais.
LACHES
Bought? Good heavens, I’m undone! For how much?
PARMENO
Twenty minae.
LACHES
Done for, quite.
PARMENO
Then, Chaerea is in love with a certain music-girl here.
(Pointing to THAIS’s house.)
LACHES
How! What? In love? Does he know already what a courtesan means? Is he come to town? One misfortune close upon another.
PARMENO
Master, don’t look so at me; he didn’t do these things by my encouragement.
LACHES
Leave off talking about yourself. If I live, you hang-dog, I’ll— But first give me an account of it, whatever it is.
PARMENO
He was taken to the house of Thais in place of the Eunuch.
LACHES
In place of the Eunuch?
PARMENO
Such is the fact. They have since apprehended him in the house as a ravisher, and bound him.
LACHES
Death!
PARMENO
Mark the assurance of courtesans.
LACHES
Is there any other calamity or misfortune besides, that you have not told me of?
PARMENO
That’s all.
LACHES
Do I delay rushing in here?
(Runs into the house of THAIS.)
PARMENO
(to himself.)
There’s no doubt but that I shall have a heavy punishment for this affair, only that I was obliged to act thus. I’m glad of this, that some mischief will befall these women here through my agency, for the old man has, for a long time, been on the look-out for some occasion[*]
to do them a bad turn; at last he has found it.
1001
(Enter PYTHIAS from the house of THAIS, laughing.)
PYTHIAS
(to herself, on entering.)
Never, upon my faith, for a long time past, has any thing happened to me that I could have better liked to happen, than the old gentleman just now, full of his mistake, coming into our house. I had the joke all to myself, as I knew[*] what it was he feared.
PARMENO
(apart.)
Why, what’s all this?
PYTHIAS
Now I’m come out to meet with Parmeno.
But, prithee, where is he?
(Looking around.)
PARMENO
(apart.)
She’s looking for me.
PYTHIAS
And there he is, I see; I’ll go up to him.
PARMENO
What’s the matter, simpleton? What do you mean? What are you laughing about? Still going on?
PYTHIAS
(laughing.)
I’m dying; I’m wretchedly tired with laughing at you.

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