Phormio; or, The Scheming Parasite (858c-900)

Listen, then. When we just now paid you the money at the Forum, we went straight

to Chremes; in the mean time, my master sent me to your wife.

What for?

I’ll omit telling you that, as it is nothing to the present purpose, Antipho. Just as I was going to the woman’s apartments, the boy Mida came running up to me, and caught me behind by my cloak, and pulled me back; I turned about, and inquired for what reason he stopped me; he said that it was forbidden for any one to go in to his mistress.

Sophrona has just now, said he, introduced here Chremes, the old gentleman’s brother, and he said that he was then in the room with them: when I heard this, on tip-toe I stole softly along; I came there, stood, held my breath, I applied my ear, and so began to listen, catching the conversation every word in this fashion (shows them).

Well done, Geta.

Here I overheard a very pretty piece of business; so much so that I had nearly cried out for joy.

What was it?

What do you think?

I don’t know.

Why, something most marvelous. Your uncle has been discovered to be the father of your wife, Phanium.

Ha! what’s that you say

He formerly cohabited secretly with her mother at Lemnos.

A dream: how could she be ignorant about her own father?

Be sure,

Phormio, that there is some reason: but do you suppose that, outside of the door, I was able to understand every thing that passed between them within?

On my faith, I too have heard the same story.

Aye, and I’ll give you still further reason for believing it: your uncle in the mean time came out from there; not long after he returned again, with your father;

each said that he gave you permission to retain her; in fine, I’ve been sent to find you, and bring you to them.

Why then carry me off[*] at once;—why do you delay?

I’ll do so.

O my dear Phormio, farewell!

Farewell, Antipho. (ANTIPHO and GETA go into DEMIPHO’S house.) So may the Gods bless me, this has turned out luckily. I’m glad of it, that such good fortune has thus suddenly befallen them.

I have now an excellent opportunity for diddling the old men, and ridding Phaedria of all anxiety about the money, so that he mayn’t be under the necessity of applying to any of his companions. For this same money, as it has been given him, shall be given for good, whether they like it or not: how to force them to this, I’ve found out the very way.

I must now assume a new air and countenance. But I’ll betake myself off to this next alley; from that spot I’ll present myself to them, when they come out of doors. I sha’n’t go to the fair, where I pretended I was going.

I do give and return hearty thanks to the Gods,

and with reason, brother, inasmuch as these matters have turned out for us so fortunately. We must now meet with Phormio as soon as possible, before he squanders our thirty minae, so that we may get them from him. (Enter PHORMIO, coming forward, and speaking aloud, as though not seeing them.)

I’ll go see if Demipho’s at home; that as to what[*]—

Why, Phormio, we were coming to you.

Perhaps about the very same affair. (DEMIPHO nods assent.)