Phormio; or, The Scheming Parasite (900b-940)

I’ faith,

I thought so.

What were you coming to my house for? Ridiculous; are you afraid that I sha’n’t do what I have once undertaken? Hark you, whatever is my poverty, still, of this one thing I have taken due care, not to forfeit my word.

Is she not genteel-looking,[*] just as I told you?

Very much so.

And this is what I’m come to tell you, Demipho, that I’m quite ready; whenever you please, give me my wife. For I postponed all my other business, as was fit I should, when I understood that you were so very desirous to have it so.

But he has dissuaded me from giving her to you. For what, says he, will be the talk among people if you do this? Formerly, when she might have been handsomely disposed of, then she wasn’t given; now it’s a disgrace for her to be turned out of doors, a repudiated woman; pretty nearly, in fact, all the reasons which you yourself, some little time since, were urging to me.

Upon my faith, you are treating me in a very insulting manner.

How so?

Do you ask me? Because I shall not be able to marry the other person I mentioned; for with what face shall I return to her whom I’ve slighted?

Then besides, I see that Antipho is unwilling to part with her. (Aside, prompting DEMIPHO.) Say so.

Then besides, I see that my son

is very unwilling to part with the damsel. But have the goodness to step over to the Forum, and order this money to be transferred to my account,[*] Phormio.

What, when I’ve paid it over to the persons to whom I was indebted?

What’s to be done, then?

If you will let me have her for a wife,

as you promised, I’ll take her; but if you prefer that she should stay with you, the portion must stay with me, Demipho. For it isn’t fair that I should be misled for you, as it was for your own sakes that I broke off with the other woman, who was to have brought me a portion just as large.

Away with you to utter perdition, with this swaggering, you vagabond. What, then, do you fancy we don’t know you, or your doings?

You are provoking me.

Would you have married her, if she had been given to you?

Try the experiment.

That my son might cohabit with her at your house, that was your design.

Pray, what is that you say?

Then do you give me my money?

Nay, but do you give me my wife?

Come before a magistrate. (Going to seize hold of him.)

Why, really, if you persist in being troublesome—

What will you do?

What, I? You fancy, perhaps, just now, that I am the protector of the portionless; for the well portioned,[*]

I’m in the habit of being so as well.