Eunuchus; or, The Eunuch (279b-316b)

Me? O prodigiously!

That’s my way with my friends.

I commend you.

I’m detaining you; perhaps you were about to go somewhere else.

Nowhere.

In that case then, lend me your services a little; let me be introduced to her.

Very well; (GNATHO knocks at the door, which immediately opens) now the door is open for you, (aside) because you are bringing her.

Should you like any one to be called out from here?

Only let the next two days go by; you who, at present, in such high favor, are opening the door with one little finger,

assuredly I’ll cause to be kicking at that door full oft, with your heels, to no purpose.

Still standing here, Parmeno? Why now, have you been left on guard here, that no go-between might perchance be secretly running from the Captain to her?

Smartly said; really they ought to be wonderful things to please the Captain. But I see my master’s youngest son coming this way;

I wonder why he has come away from the Piraeus,[*] for he is at present on guard there in the public service. It’s not for nothing; he’s coming in a hurry, too; I can’t imagine why he’s looking around in all directions.

I’m utterly undone! The girl is nowhere; nor do I know where I am myself, to have lost sight of her. Where to inquire for her, where to search for her, whom to ask, which way to turn,

I’m at a loss. I have only this hope; wherever she is, she can not long be concealed. O what beauteous features! from this moment I banish all other women from my thoughts; I can not endure these every-day beauties.

Why look, here’s the other one. He’s saying something, I don’t know what, about love.

O unfortunate old man, their father! This assuredly is a youth, who, if he does begin, you will say that

the other one was mere play and pastime, compared with what the madness of this one will cause.

May all the Gods and Goddesses confound that old fellow who detained me to-day, and me as well who stopped for him, and in fact troubled myself a straw about him. But see, here’s Parmeno. (Addressing him.) Good-morrow to you.

Why are you out of spirits, and why in such a hurry? Whence come you?

What, I? I’faith, I neither know whence I’m come, nor whither I’m going;

so utterly have I lost myself.

How, pray?

I’m in love.

Ha!

Now, Parmeno, you may show what sort of a man you are. You know that you often promised me to this effect: Chaerea, do you only find some object to fall in love with; I’ll make you sensible of my usefulness in such matters, when I used to be storing up my father’s provisions for you on the sly in your little room.[*]

To the point, you simpleton.

Upon my faith, this is the fact. Now, then, let your promises be made good, if you please, or if indeed the affair is a deserving one for you to exert your energies upon. The girl isn’t like our girls, whom their mothers are anxious to have with shoulders kept down, and chests well girthed,[*] that they may be slender. If one is a little inclined to plumpness, they declare that she’s training for a boxer,[*] and stint her food;

although their constitutions are good, by their treatment they make them as slight as bulrushes; and so for that reason they are admired, forsooth.

What sort of a girl is this one of yours?