Truculentus, or The Churl (692-726b)

Prithee, do follow me.

I’ll wait here a little for Strabax, till he comes from the farm.

Why, Strabax is at our house. He has just come from the farm.

What, before he went to his own mother?

Alas, the man’s worth nought, i’ faith.

What now, your old habit?

Well, I’ll say nought.

Prithee, do come indoors. Give me your hand.

Well, take it. (To the AUDIENCE.) I’m being led off into a public-house, where I shall be but poorly entertained for my money.

There’s not a person born, nor will there be born, nor can there be found one,

to whom I would now wish praises to be given, or on whom attentions bestowed, rather than on Venus. Ye great Gods, how joyous I am, and how I’m transported with joyousness! Such great tidings of joy has Cyamus brought to me this day; that my presents have been esteemed and deemed acceptable by Phronesium. While this now is a delight, then besides this in especial is rare honey-drink to me,

that the Captain’s presents are held as disagreable and not acceptable. I’m all enraptured! The ball’s my own[*]; if the Captain’s sent adrift, the woman will be mine. I’m saved, because I’m going to ruin; if I didn’t go to ruin, it’s clear I should die. Now I’ll keep watch, what’s going on there, who goes into the house, who comes out of doors; from here at a distance will I observe what is to be my lot.

Because I’ve got nothing, my feelings remind me of one thing; I’ll do everything by begging.

I’ll cleverly do my duty, mistress; do you only take care that in-doors you do yours as well; love that which you ought, your own interest; clean that fellow thoroughly out. Now, while it pleases the fellow, while he has got something, adapt the opportunity to that purpose. Display all your charms to your lover that you may heighten his joys.

I meantime will stay here behind and watch at this door so long as he is thus transporting his presents home to you; nor, in the meantime, will I admit any one from there to you who may cause you annoyance. Do you go on, just as you please. Are you not diddling these fellows?

How now, Astaphium, tell me, who is this fellow that’s on the road to ruin?

Prithee, were you here?

What—am I troublesome?

More now than you were; for unless a person is of use to us, he is troublesome to us. But, prithee, do lend me your attention, that I may say what I want.

Why, what is it? Does it concern myself?

Not a rap. But what hauls he is making present of in-doors.

How? Some new lover?

A fresh one, and a brimming treasure she has hit upon.

Who is he?

I’ll tell you, but you be mum. Don’t you know this Strabax?

Why shouldn’t I?