Stichus, or The Parasite Rebuffed (704b-730)

Aye, but this is far the most pleasant.

On which side is each of us to recline by our mistress?

Of course you go to the upper place. And, so that you may understand it, I make a division with you on these terms: consider, and take which province you would even like now to take.

But what’s your meaning about this province?

Whether you would choose to hold the command over the water or over Bacchus.

Over Bacchus, most distinctly.

But, in the meantime, general of ours, why stands this goblet here? See how many cups[*] we have drunk.

As many as there are fingers on your hand. The Greek song is, Drink either your five cups[*] or your three, but not your four.

I pledge you. Do you take for yourself the tenth part from the fountain[*], if you are wise. Here’s luck to you, luck to us; here’s luck to thee, luck to me; luck to our Stephanium as well.

’Tis bravely done. I pledge you in a goblet.

Keep your wine;[*] I’d very much like something by way of a relish[*].

If you are not satisfied with what’s here, there’s nothing else. Take some water[*].

You say right; I care for no dainties.

Drink away, Piper[*]; drink, if you do drink. I’ faith, this must be drunk—don’t shirk it. (Holds the goblet to the PIPER.) Why flinch at what you see must be done by you? Why don’t you drink? Do it, if you are to do it. Take it, I tell you, for the public pays for this. That’s not your way to shirk your drink. Take your pipes[*] out of your mouth.

When he has drunk, either do you mind my rules[*], or else I’ll give up.

I don’t wish us to drink this straight out; we shall soon be about nothing[*]; for, by my faith, almost all in a moment, the cask might be turned head downwards[*].

How now? Although you did make a fuss about it, still it didn’t hurt you. Come, Piper, when you’ve done drinking, put back your pipes to your lips; quickly puff out your cheeks, just like a reptile serpent[*].

Come now, Stichus, whichever of the two breaks order, shall be fined a cup.

You propose a good regulation. You ought to have your way, who only ask what’s fair.

Mind it then; if you offend, I’ll forthwith take the forfeit on the spot.

You ask what’s quite right and just.

Here’s to you first of all.[*]

’Tis a droll thing this, for two persons, rivals of each other, to be courting,

to be drinking from one goblet, and to be kissing one wench. ’Tis worthy of remark this: I am you, you are I; of one accord are we. With one mistress are we both in love; when she’s with me, still she’s with you; and when she’s with you, she’s with me as well; neither of us envies the other.