Stichus, or The Parasite Rebuffed (580-602b)

I’ve now been consulting with my friends and with my relatives. They have been my advisers to the effect that I should this very day kill myself with starvation. But don’t I see Pamphilus with his brother Epignomus? Yes, ’tis he. I’ll accost the man. (Goes up to PAMPHILUS.) O longed-for Pamphilus! O my salvation! O my life! O my delight! right welcome. I rejoice that

you’ve returned safe from abroad to your native land. Welcome.

Welcome, Gelasimus.

Have you been quite well?

I have taken good care of my health.

I’ troth, I’m glad of it. I’ faith, I confoundedly wish I had now a thousand measures of silver.

What need have you of it?

I’ faith, that I might invite him to dinner, and not invite you.

You are talking against your own interest.

This, then, that I might invite you both

⋯ for my part ⋯ I should not avoid[*] ⋯ there is nothing so ⋯ as this ⋯

Troth, now, I’d ask you with pleasure, if there were room left.

Well, standing, then, I’ll gobble down a bit in the scramble.

No, only this one thing can be done.

What?

When the guests have gone, that then you may come—

Hurra! capital!

To wash the pots, I mean; not to dinner.

The Gods confound you! What say you, Pamphilus?

I’ troth, this day I’m engaged to dine elsewhere abroad.

How, abroad?

Really abroad, on my word.

How the plague do you like, thus wearied, to be supping abroad?

Which do you advise me?

Order a dinner to be cooked at home, and word to be sent to him who invited you.

Shall I dine at home, alone?

Why, not alone; invite me.

But I’m afraid lest he should scold me, who has been to this expense for my sake.

It may easily be excused—only listen to me; do order a dinner to be cooked at home.

Not by my advice, indeed, will he act so as to disappoint that person this day.