Stichus, or The Parasite Rebuffed (541b-579)

I wonder how the story is to turn out?

One of these young men had, as you (to PAMPHILUS) now have, a damsel, a music-girl; he had brought her from abroad, as you have now done. Now, this old gentleman was a widower, just as I now am.

Do proceed; this story is really à propos.

Then said this old gentleman to him to whom the music-girl belonged, just as I now say to you—

I’m listening[*], and carefully giving heed.

I gave you my daughter, to be a comfortable bedfellow for you; now, I think it fair that one should be given me in return by you, to be my bed-fellow.

Who says that? Does he say it[*] just as though you were to say it?

Just as I now say it to you.

Aye, I’ll give you two of them, says this young man, if one’s too little; and if you are not satisfied with two, says he, two more shall be added.

Prithee, who says that? Does he say it just as though I were to say it?

He says it just as though you were to say it. Then says this old gentleman, just as though I were to say it, Well, give me four, if you like, so long only as, i’ faith, you find them something to eat as well, that they mayn’t consume my victuals.

Why surely it must have been a stingy old chap to say that, in asking food as well of him who promised them to him.

Why surely, this young man must have been a good-for-nothing fellow, who forthwith, when the other asked him, refused to give him a grain of wheat. But, i’ troth, the old gentleman asked what was fair, inasmuch as

the dowry which he had given to his daughter, he wished him to have as an equivalent for the music-girl.

I’ faith, for sure I really do think that the young man was well advised, who wouldn’t give a mistress to that old fellow in return for the dower.

The old gentleman wished, indeed, if he could, to bargain for their maintenance; because he couldn’t, he said he wished it to be done on what terms it might.

Done, said this young man. You do me a kindness, said the old gentleman. Have I the thing agreed upon? said he. I’ll do even as you wish it to be done, said the other. But I’ll be off in-doors, and congratulate my daughters on your arrival. Then I’ll go wash me at the bath[*]; there will I take all care of my old age; after that, when I’ve bathed, lying down, I’ll await you at my leisure.

A funny mortal, Antipho; how cleverly he did make up his story.

Even yet the rogue considers himself a young man. A mistress shall be given to the fellow, to sing to the old chap at night in bed; for, i’ faith, indeed, I know not of what other use a mistress can be to him.

But how fares our Parasite, Gelasimus? Is he well, too?

I’ faith, I saw the fellow not so very long ago.

How fares he?

Like one half-starved.

Why didn’t you invite the fellow to your house to dinner?

That on my arrival I mightn’t be wasting anything. But see, here’s the wolf in the Fable[*]; here he is in person with his ravenous fit.

We’ll have some sport with the fellow.

You put me in mind of a plan I had already resolved on.

But as I had begun to tell you; while I have been absent hence,