Menaechmi, or The Twin Brothers (685b-740)

I see what plan you are upon; that you may defraud me of what I entrusted to you, at that thing you are aiming—

On my word, I do not ask it for the sake of defrauding you. But I tell you that my wife has discovered the matter.

Nor did I of my own accord beg you to give it me; of your own accord you yourself brought it me. You gave it me as a present;

now you’re asking for the same thing back again. I’ll put up with it; keep it to yourself; take it away; make use of it, either yourself or your wife, or squeeze it into your money-box[*] even. After this day, that you mayn’t be deceived, you shan’t set your foot in this house, since you hold me in contempt, who deserve so well of you. Unless you bring money, you’ll be disappointed; you can’t cajole me.

Find some other woman, henceforth, for you to be disappointing.

By my troth, very angry at last. Hallo! you; stay, I bid you. Come you back. Will you stay now? Will you even for my sake come back? (EROTIUM goes into her house, and shuts the door.) She has gone indoors, and shut the house. Now I’m regularly barred out; I have neither any credit at home now, nor with my mistress.

I’ll go and consult my friends on this matter, as to what they think should be done.

I did very foolishly a while since, in entrusting my purse to Messenio with the money. I suspect he has got himself into some bad house[*] or other. (Enter the WIFE of Menaechmus of Epidamnus, from the house.)

I’ll look out to see how soon my husband is going to return home.

But here he is; I see him; I’m all right, he’s bringing back the mantle.

I wonder where Messenio can be walking now.

I’ll go and receive the fellow with such language as he deserves. (Accosting him.) Are you not ashamed to come forward in my presence, you disgraceful man, in that garb?

What’s the matter?

What thing is troubling you, woman?

Do you dare, you shameless fellow, to utter even a single word, or to speak to me?

Pray, what wrong have I committed, that I shouldn’t dare to speak to you?

Do you ask me? O dear, the impudent audacity of the fellow!

Don’t you know, madam, for what reason the Greeks used to say that Hecuba was a bitch[*]?

I don’t know, indeed.

Because Hecuba used to do the same thing that you are now doing. She used to heap all kinds of imprecations on every one she saw; and, therefore, for that reason she was properly begun to be called a bitch.

I can’t put up with this disgraceful conduct of yours;

for I had rather see my life that of a widow, than endure this vile conduct of yours that you are guilty of.

What is it to me, whether you are able to endure to live in the married state, or whether you will separate from your husband? Is it thus the fashion here to tell these stories to a stranger on his arrival?

What stories? I say, I’ll not endure it henceforth, but live separate rather than put up with these ways.

Troth, so far indeed as I’m concerned, do live separate, even so long as Jupiter shall hold his sway.

By heavens, I’ll certainly now send for my father,

and I’ll tell him your disgraceful conduct that you are guilty of. Go, Decio (calling to a SERVANT), seek for my father, that he may come along with you to me; tell him that occasion has arisen for it. I’ll. now disclose to him this disgraceful conduct of yours.

Are you in your senses? What disgraceful conduct of mine?

When you filch from home my mantle and gold trinkets,

without the knowledge of your wife, and carry them off to your mistress. Don’t I state this correctly?