Menaechmi, or The Twin Brothers (651b-685)

You are he, I say.

I?

You.

Who accuses me?

I, myself.

I, too; and you carried it off to Erotium here, your mistress.

I, gave it her?

You, you, I say. Do you wish for an owl[*] to be brought here, to say you, you, continually to you? For we are now quite tired of it.

By Jupiter and all the Gods, I swear, wife (and isn’t that enough for you?), that I did not give it.

Aye, and I, by all the powers, that we are telling no untruth.

But I haven’t given it away, but just only lent it to be made use of.

But, i’ faith, for my part, I don’t lend either your scarf or your cloak out of the house, to any one, to be made use of. ’Tis fair that the woman should lend out of the house the woman’s apparel,

the man the man’s. But why don’t you bring the mantle home again?

I’ll have it brought back.

For your own interest you’ll do so, as I think; for you shall never enter the house to-day unless you bring the mantle with you. I’m going home.

What’s there to be for me, who have given you this assistance?

Your assistance shall be repaid, when anything shall be purloined from your house.

Then, by my troth, that really will never be; for nothing have I at home to lose. May the Gods confound you, both husband and wife. I’ll make haste to the Forum, for I see clearly that I’ve quite fallen out with this family.

My wife thinks that she does me an injury when she shuts me out of doors; as though I hadn’t another better place to be admitted into.

If I displease you, I must endure it; I shall please Erotium here, who won’t be shutting me out of her house, but will be shutting me up in her house rather. Now I’ll go; I’ll beg her to give me back the mantle that I gave her a while since. I’ll purchase another for her—a better one. Hallo! is any one the porter here? (Knocks at EROTIUM’S door.) Open here, and some one of you call Erotium before the door.

Who’s enquiring for me here?

One that’s more of an enemy to his own self than to yourself[*].

My dear Menaechmus? Why are you standing before the house? Do follow me in-doors.

Stop. Do you know why it is that I’m come to you?

I know well; that you may amuse yourself with me.

Why no, troth, that mantle which I gave you a while since, give it me back, I entreat you; my wife has become acquainted with all the transaction, in its order, just as it happened.

I’ll procure for you a mantle of twofold greater value than you shall wish.

Why, I gave it your own self a little while since, that you might take it to the embroiderer’s, and that bracelet, too, that you might take it to the goldsmith’s that it might be made anew.

You, gave me the mantle and the bracelet? You’ll find ’twas never done. For, indeed, after I gave it you a while ago, and went away to the Forum,

I’m but just returning, and now see you for the first time since.