Menaechmi, or The Twin Brothers (731-787b)

O dear! madam, by my faith, you are both very bold and very perverse. Do you dare to say (pointing at the mantle) that this was stolen from you which another woman gave me, for me to get it trimmed?

A little while since you didn’t deny that you had purloined it from me;

do you now hold up that same before my eyes? Are you not ashamed?

By my faith, madam, I entreat you, if you know, show me what I’m to drink[*], by means of which I may put up with your impertinence. What person you are taking me to be, I don’t know;

I know you just as well as Parthaon[*].

If you laugh at me, still, i’ troth, you can’t do so at him; my father, I mean, who’s coming here. Why don’t you look back? Do you know that person?

Just as well as Calchas[*] do I know him; I have seen him on that same day on which I have seen yourself before this present day.

Do you deny that you know me? Do you deny that you know my father?

Troth, I shall say the same thing, if you choose to bring your grandfather.

I’ faith, you do this and other things just in a like fashion.

According as my age permits, and as there is occasion to do so, I’ll push on my steps and make haste to get along.

But how far from easy ’tis for me, I’m not mistaken as to that. For my agility forsakes me, and I am beset with age; I carry my body weighed down; my strength has deserted me. How grievous a pack upon one’s back is age. For when it comes, it brings very many and very grievous particulars,

were I now to recount all of which, my speech would be too long. But this matter is a trouble to my mind and heart, what this business can possibly be on account of which my daughter suddenly requires me to come to her,

and doesn’t first let me know what’s the matter, what she wants, or why she sends for me. But pretty nearly do I know now what’s the matter;

I suspect that some quarrel has arisen with her husband. So are these women wont to do, who, presuming on their portions, and haughty, require their husbands to be obedient to them; and they as well full oft are not without fault. But still there are bounds, within which a wife ought to be put up with.

By my troth, my daughter never sends for her father to come to her except when either something has been done wrong, or there is a cause for quarrelling. But whatever it is, I shall now know. And see, I perceive her herself before the house, and her husband in a pensive mood. ’Tis the same as I suspected.

I’ll accost her.

I’ll go and meet him. May every happiness attend you, my father.

Happiness attend you. Do I find you in good spirits? Do you bid me be fetched in happy mood? Why are you sorrowful? And why does he (pointing at MENAECHMUS) in anger stand apart from you? Something, I know not what, are you two wrangling about[*] between you. Say, in few words, which of the two is in fault: no long speeches, though.

For my part, I’ve done nothing wrong; as to that point do I at once make you easy, father. But I cannot live or remain here on any account; you must take me away hence immediately.

Why, what’s the matter?

I am made a laughing-stock of, father.

By whom?

By him to whom you gave me, my husband.

Look at that — a quarrel now. How often, I wonder,

have I told you to be cautious, that neither should be coming to me with your complaints.

How, my father, can I possibly guard against that?

Do you ask me? ⋯

unless you don’t wish.

How often have I told you to be compliant to your husband. Don’t be watching what he does, where he goes, or what matter he’s about.