Amphitryon, or Jupiter in Disguise (1034_sp27-1034_sp56)

Sosia!

What, the plague, about Sosia?

Don’t you know me, you whip-scoundrel?

I know that you are a troublesome fellow, who have no need to go buy[*] a lawsuit.

Still once more—am I not your master Amphitryon?

You are Bacchus himself[*], and not Amphitryon. How often do you want to be told? Any times more? My master Amphitryon, in the same chamber, is holding Alcmena in his embraces. If you persist, I’ll produce him here, and not without your great discomfiture.

I wish him to be fetched. (Aside.) I pray that this day, in return for my services, I may not lose house, wife, and household, together with my figure.

Well, I’ll fetch him; but, in the meantime, do you mind about the door, please. (Aside.) I suppose that by this he has brought the sacrifice that he was intending, as far as the banquet[*]. (Aloud.) If you are troublesome, you shan’t escape without my making a sacrifice of you.

Ye Gods, by my trust in you, what madness is distracting my household? What wondrous things have I seen since I arrived from abroad! Why, it’s true, surely, what was once heard tell of, how that men of Attica were transformed in Arcadia[*], and remained as savage wild beasts, and were not ever afterwards known unto their parents.

What’s this, Sosia? Great marvels are these that you are telling of. Do you say that you found another Sosia at home exactly like yourself?

I do say so—but, hark you, since I have produced a Sosia, Amphitryon an Amphitryon, how do you know whether you, perchance, may not be producing another Blepharo? O that the Gods would grant that you as well, belaboured with fists, and with your teeth knocked out, going without your breakfast, might credit this. ForI, that other Sosia, that is to say, who am yonder, has mauled me in a dreadful manner.

Really, it is wonderful; but it’s as well to mend our pace; for, as I perceive, Amphitryon is waiting for us, and my empty stomach is grumbling.

—And why do I mention foreign legends? More wondrous things they relate to have happened among our Theban race[*] in former days; that mighty searcher for Europa, attacking the monster sprung from Mars, suddenly produced his enemies from the serpent-seed; and in that battle fought, brother pressed on brother with lance and helm; the Epirote land, too, beheld the author of our race, together with the daughter of Venus[*], gliding as serpents. From on high supreme Jove thus willed it; thus destiny directs. All the noblest of our country, in return for their bright achievements, are pursued with direful woes. This fatality is pressing hard on me—still I could endure disasters so great, and submit to woes hardly to be endured—

Blepharo.

What’s the matter?

I don’t know; I suspect something wrong.

Why?

Look, please, our master, like an humble courtier[*], is walking before the door bolted fast.

It’s nothing; walking to and fro, he’s looking for an appetite[*].

After a singular fashion, indeed; for he has shut the door, that it mayn’t escape out of the house.

You do go yelping on.

I go neither yelping on nor barking on; if you listen to me, observe him. I don’t know why he’s by himself alone; he’s making some calculation, I suppose. I can hear from this spot what he says— don’t be in a hurry.

How much I fear lest the Gods should blot out the glory I have acquired in the conquest of the foe. In wondrous manner do I see the whole of my household in commotion. And then my wife, so full of viciousness, incontinence, and dishonor, kills me outright. But about the goblet, it is a singular thing; yet the seal was properly affixed. And what besides? She recounted to me the battles I had fought; Pterelas, too, besieged and bravely slain by my own hand, Aye, aye—now I know the trick; this was done by Sosia’s contrivance, who as well has disgracefully presumed to-day to get before me on my arrival.

He’s talking about me, and in terms that I had rather not. Prithee, don’t let’s accost this man until he has disclosed his wrath.

Just as you please.

If it is granted me this day to lay hold of that whip-scoundrel, I’ll show him what it is to deceive his master, and to assail me with threats and tricks.

Do you hear him?

I hear him.

That implement (pointing to AMPHITRYON’S walkingstick) is a burden for my shoulder-blades. Let’s accost the man, if you please. Do you know what is in the habit of being commonly said?

What you are going to say, I don’t know; what you’ll have to endure I pretty well guess.