Philosophies for Sale (1-5)

ZEUS (To an attendant.) You arrange the benches and make the place ready for the men that are coming. (To another avrenpant.) You bring on the philosophies and put them in line ; but first groom them up, so that they will look well and will attract as many as possible. (Zo nErmeEs.) You, Hermes, be crier and call them together.

HERMES Under the blessing of Heaven, let the buyers now appear at the sales-room. We shall put up for sale philosophies of every type and all manner of creeds; and if anyone is unable to pay cash, he is to name a surety and pay next year.

ZEUS Many are gathering, so we must avoid wasting time and delaying them. Let us begin the sale, then.

HERMES Which do you want us to bring on first ?

ZEUS This fellow with the long hair, the Ionian, for he seems to be someone of distinction.

ZEUS Hawk him now.

HERMES The noblest of philosophies for sale, the most distinguished ; who'll buy ? Who wants to be more than man? Who wants to apprehend the music of the spheres and to be born again ?

BUYER For looks, he is not bad, but what does he know best ?

HERMES Arithmetic, astronomy, charlatanry, geometry, music and quackery; you see in him a first-class soothsayer.

BUYER May I question him?

HERMES Yes, and good luck to you!

BUYER Where are you from?

PYTHAGOREAN From Samos.[*] BUYER Where were you educated ?

PYTHAGOREAN In Egypt, with the sages there.

PYTHAGOREAN I shall teach thee nothing, but make thee remember.[*] BUYER How will you make me remember ?

PYTHAGOREAN First by making thy soul pure and purging off the filth upon it.

BUYER Well, imagine that my purification is complete, what will be your method of making me remember?

PYTHAGOREAN In the first place, long silence and speechlessness, and for five entire years no word of talk.

BUYER My good man, you had better teach the son of Croesus!?[*] I want to be talkative, not a graven image. However, what comes after the silence and the five years?

PYTHAGOREAN Thou shalt be practised in music and geometry.

BUYER That is delightful ; I am to become a fiddler before being wise!

PYTHAGOREAN Then, in addition to this, in counting.

PYTHAGOREAN How dost thou count ?

BUYER One, two, three, four—

PYTHAGOREAN Lo! what thou thinkest four is ten, and a perfect triangle, and our oath.[*] BUYER Well, by your greatest oath, by Four, I never heard diviner doctrines or more esoteric.

PYTHAGOREAN Thereafter, my friend, thou shalt learn of earth and air and water and fire, what their flux is, and what form they have and how they move.

BUYER Why, has fire form, or air, or water ?

PYTHAGOREAN Yea, very notably, for without shape and form there can be no motion. And in addition thou shalt learn that God is number and mind and harmony.

BUYER What you say is wonderful.

PYTHAGOREAN And beside all that I have said, thou shalt learn

BUYER What’s that? I am another and not this man who now talks to you!

PYTHAGOREAN Now thou art he, but erstwhile thou didst manifest thyself in another body and under another name, and in time thou shalt again migrate into another person.

BUYER You mean that I shall be immortal, changing into many forms? But enough of this.