The Carousal, or the Lapiths (41-45)

LYCINUS

and began to read. The verses were these, if I remember right:

O what a maiden in the halls

Of Aristaenetus

Her gentle nurture had, our queen

Cleanthis glorious!

v.1.p.455

Superior to other maids

As many as there be,

Than Aphrodite prettier

And Helen eke is she.

To you, O groom, a greeting too,

Most handsome of your mates

And handsomer than those of old

Of whom Homer relates.

We unto you the song you hear

Will sing repeatedly

To celebrate your wedding-day:

It’s made for both you see![*]

LYCINUS

That caused a laugh, as you can imagine; and then it was time to take what was set before us. Aristaenetus and Eucritus each took the portion in front of him: I took what was mine and Chaereas what was set before him, and Ion and Cleodemus did likewise. But Diphilus wanted to carry off not only his own but all that had been served for Zeno, who was away; he said that it had been served to him alone, and fought with the servants. They caught hold of the bird and tried to pull it away from each other as if they were tugging at the body of Patroclus, and at last he was beaten and let go. He made the company laugh heartily, especially because he was indignant afterwards, just as if he had been done the greatest possible wrong.

LYCINUS

Hermon and Zenothemis were lying side by side, as I have said, Zenothemis above and Hermon below him. The shares served them were identical in all but one point, and they began to take them

peaceably. But the bird in front of Hermon was the plumper, just by chance, no doubt. In that case too each should have taken his own, but at this juncture Zenothemis—follow me closely, Philo, for we have now reached the crisis of events—Zenothemis, I say, let the bird beside him alone and proceeded to take the one before Hermon, which was fatter, as I have said. Hermon, however, seized it also and would not let him be greedy. Thereat there was a shout: they fell on and actually hit one another in the face with the birds, and each caught the other by the beard and called for help, Hermon to Cleodemus, and Zenothemis to Alcidamus and Diphilus. The philosophers took sides, some with one, and some with the other, except Ion alone.

LYCINUS

That man kept himself neutral, and they pitched in and fought. Zenothemis picked up a bowl that was on the table in front of Aristaenetus and threw it at Hermon,

And him it missed and went another way;

Cf. Iliad 11, 233 but it cracked the crown of the bridegroom, inflicting a wound that was generous and deep. Consequently there was an outcry from the women, and most of them sprang to the battle-field, especially the lad’s mother when she saw the blood; and the bride also sprang from her place in alarm over him. Meanwhile Alcidamas distinguished himself on the side of Zenothemis. Laying about him with his staff, he broke the head of Cleodemus and the jaw of Hermon, and he disabled several of the servants who were trying to rescue them. But the -other side did not give way, for Cleodemus with a stifl finger gouged out the eye of Zenothemis and got him by the nose and bit it off, while as for Hermon, when Diphilus was coming to the support of Zenothemis he threw him head first from the couch.

LYCINUS

Histiaeus the grammarian was wounded, too, in trying to separate them—he was kicked .in the teeth, I think, by Cleodemus, who supposed him to be Diphilus. At all events the poor fellow was laid low, “vomiting gore,” as his own Homer says. The whole place, however, was full of noise and tears, and the women, gathered about Chaereas, were wailing, while the rest of the men were trying to quiet things down. Alcidamas wes the greatest nuisance in the world, for when he had once routed his opponents he hit everybody that fell in his way. Many would have gone down before him, you may be sure, if he had not broken his staff. As for me, I stood by the wall and watched the whole performance without taking part in it, for Histiaeus had taught me how - tisky it is to try to part such fights. You would have said they were Lapiths and Centaurs, to see tables going over, blood flowing and cups flying.