Sportive Epigrams on Priapus (in prose) (76-80)

Through the middles of lads and girls will my mentule make its way; those bearded 'twill not attack save at the height.

Dodona is sacred to thee, O Jupiter; Samos and Mycenae to Juno; Taenarus and its billowy waters to royal Dis. Pallas guards the Cecropian citadels [Athens]; Pythius [Apollo], Delphi the centre of the world;[*] the maid of Delos [Diana), Crete and the Cynthian Hills; the Faun [Pan], Maenalus and the Arcadian woods. Rhodes is under the blest protection of the sun god [Apollo]; Gades and the humid Tibur, of Hercules; snowy Cyllene of the god of swiftness [Mercury]; and boiling Lemnos is dearer to the tardy god [Vulcan]. The women of Enna worship Ceres; oystery Cyzicum, the ravished goddess [Proserpine]; Gnidus and Paphos, the lovely Venus. To thee, mortals have devoted Lampsacus.

Although I am now growing old, and my beard and locks whiten with hoary hairs, I am still able to perforate [sodomise] a Tithonus, a Priam, and a Nestor, when caught. Ye see that ye stir up my bile, who continually raise a thick fence, and thus prevent thieves from approaching hither. This is hindering, whilst ye help me; this is not to admit birds to the fowler's snare. The way is blocked up, nor can the prostrate one expiate his crime at the expense of his buttocks. So that I who erstwhile was wont ever and ever and ever to cleave the buttocks of pilferers have had naught of employment this many a day and night. I also suffer punishment enough and more than enough; I flow off in seed, and once lecherous, no longer carry out my life's aim. Who would think of the lutist abstaining from his melody? But, lest I perish from senile decay, pray ye desist from such diligence, nor place a fibula on Priapus

But may the gods and goddesses deny nourishing food to thy teeth, O neighbouring cunnilinge, through whom my girl, hitherto strong and not false, and who was wont swiftly with untired step to hasten to me, now unfortunate Labdace swears that she can scarce drag her feet along by reason of her ditch

Priapus, though thou mayst be weighty with turgid fascinum, albeit our poet in his verses has cast this in thy teeth, blush not for it. Thou art not more heavily hung than is that poet of ours.