Sportive Epigrams on Priapus (in prose) (71-75)

A stranger of small means has made me a laughing stock. He had offered up the libum [a cake], strown with spelt and mingled salt, and, having scattered portions on the fire, straightway departed hence, his offering finished. Thereupon comes hither a neighbour's dog, having, I dare say, made for the fumes of smoke; which animal, having devoured the whole of the libation to the mentule, makes atonement to me by its 'rigidity' through the whole night. But do ye be wary of making any more offerings on this spot lest a pack of starving hounds hasten towards me; and lest, in worshipping me and my power, ye have your custodians irrumated.[*]

If thou pilferest the orchards entrusted to my care, that I grieve to lose pleasurable things thou wilt be taught

O Priapus, faithful protector of orchards, warn off the thieves with thy red-painted amulet

I am inflexible; if thou shalt steal my large apples, I will give thee the apples of the breeches[*]

With sidelong glances, O pathic girls, why look ye on me? My mentule stands not erect from my groin. Although 'tis now vigourless and unserviceable wood, 'twill be of use if ye sacrifice at my altar