Sportive Epigrams on Priapus (in prose) (1-5)

Do thou, who art about to read these wanton sallies of careless verse, lay aside the brow befitting Latium.[*] Not Phoebus's sister, not Vesta in her sanctuary, nor that Goddess sprung from her father's brain,[*] dwells here: but the ruddy Protector of our Gardens, larger membered than is usual, and who has his groin covered by no garment. Therefore, either spread thy tunic over that part which 'tis meet to conceal; or with the same eyes that thou lookest upon it, peruse these.

For pastime, and with little care, have I written these verses, thee attesting,[*] O Priapus--verses worthy a garden,[*] not a little book! Nor have I, as poets are wont, invoked the Muses to this unvirginal spot. For I had neither mind nor heart for the emprise, to bring the chaste sisters, the chorus of Pïérides, to the mentule[*] of Priapus. Therefore, whatever it is I have jotted in an idle hour on the walls of thy temple, take it in good part, I pray thee.

Lalage dedicates a votive offering to the God of the standing prickle, bringing pictures from the shameless books of Elephantis, and begs him to try and imitate with her all the different coitions of the painted figures.

Hereunder is written in two verses the condition which Priapus is said to have made with a boy:

Though I am, as you see, a wooden Priapus, with wooden reaping-hook and a wooden penis; yet I will seize thee, and when thou art caught [my girl], I will enjoy thee. And the whole of this, large though it be, and stiffer than twisted cord, than the string of the lyre, I will surely bury in thee to thy seventh rib.