Adelphi; or, The Brothers (82-267)

DEMEA

Oh,—opportunely met; you are the very man I was looking for.

[*]

MICIO

Why are you out of spirits?

DEMEA

Do you ask me, when we have such a son as Aeschinus,

[*] why I'm out of spirits?

MICIO

aside. Did I not say it would be so? To DEMEA. What has he been doing?

DEMEA

What has he been doing? He, who is ashamed of nothing, and fears no one, nor thinks that any law can control him. But I pass by what has been previously done: what a thing he has just perpetrated!

MICIO

Why, what is it?

DEMEA

He has broken open a door,

[*] and forced his way into another person's house, beaten to death the master himself, and all the household, and carried off a wench whom he had a fancy for. All people are exclaiming that it was a most disgraceful proceeding. How many, Micio, told me of this as I was coming here? It is in everybody's mouth. In fine, if an example must be cited, does he not see his brother giving his attention to business, and living frugally and soberly in the country? No action of his is like this. When I say this to him, Micio, I say it to you. You allow him to be corrupted.

MICIO

Never is there any thing more unreasonable than a man who wants experience, who thinks nothing right except what he himself has done.

DEMEA

What is the meaning of that?

MICIO

Because, Demea, you misjudge these matters. It is no heinous crime, believe me, for a young man to intrigue or to drink; it is not; nor yet for him to break open a door. If neither I nor you did so, it was poverty that did not allow us to do so. Do you now claim that as a merit to yourself which you then did from necessity? That is unfair; for if we had had the means to do so, we should have done the same. And, if you were a man, you would now suffer that other son of yours to act thus now, while his age will excuse it, rather than, when he has got you, after long wishing it, out of the way, he should still do so, at a future day, and at an age more unsuited.

DEMEA

O Jupiter! You, sir, are driving me to distraction. Is it not a heinous thing for a young man to do these things?

MICIO

Oh! do listen to me, and do not everlastingly din me upon this subject. You gave me your son to adopt; he became mine; if he offends in any thing, Demea, he offends against me: in that case I shall bear the greater part of the inconvenience. Does he feast,

[*] does he drink, does he smell of perfumes, [*]—it is at my cost. Does he intrigue, money shall be found by me, so long as it suits me; when it shall be no longer convenient, probably he'll be shut out of doors. [*] Has he broken open a door—it shall be replaced; has he torn any one's clothes—they shall be mended. Thanks to the Gods, I both have means for doing this, and these things are not as yet an annoyance. In fine, either desist, or else find some arbitrator between us: I will show that in this matter you are the most to blame.

DEMEA

Ah me! Learn to be a father from those who are really so.

MICIO

You are his father by nature, I by my anxiety.

DEMEA

You, feel any anxiety?

MICIO

Oh dear,—if you persist, I'll leave you.

DEMEA

Is it thus you act?

MICIO

Am I so often to hear about the same thing?

DEMEA

I have some concern for my son.

MICIO

I have some concern for him too; but, Demea, let us each be concerned for his own share—you for the one, and I for the other. For, to concern yourself about both is almost the same thing as to demand him back again, whom you intrusted to me.

DEMEA

Alas, Micio!

MICIO

So it seems to me.

DEMEA

What am I to say to this? If it pleases you, henceforth—let him spend, squander, and destroy; it's nothing to me. If I say one word after this—

MICIO

Again angry, Demea?

DEMEA

Won't you believe me? Do I demand him back whom I have intrusted? I am concerned for him; I am not a stranger in blood; if I do interpose—well, well, I have done. You desire me to concern myself for one of them,—do concern myself; and I give thanks to the Gods, he is just as I would have him; that fellow of yours will find it out at a future day : I don't wish to say any thing more harsh against him. (Exit.)

MICIO

These things are

[*] not nothing at all, nor yet all just as he says; still they do give me some uneasiness; but I was unwilling to show him that I took them amiss, for he is such a man; when I would pacify him, I steadily oppose and resist him; and in spite of it he hardly puts up with it like other men; but if I were to inflame, or even to humor his anger, I should certainly be as mad as himself. And yet Aesclhinus has done me some injustice in this affair. What courtesan has he not intrigued with? Or to which of them has he not made some present? At last, he recently told me that he wished to take a wife, [*] I suppose he was just then tired of them all. I was in hopes that the warmth of youth had now subsided; I was delighted. But look now, he is at it again; however, I am determined to know it, whatever it is, and to go meet the fellow, if he is at the Forum. (Exit.)

SANNIO

I beseech you, fellow-citizens, do give aid to a miserable and innocent man; do assist the distressed.

AESCHINUS

to the GIIL. Be quiet, and now then stand here just where you are. Why do you look back? There's no danger; he shall never touch you while I am here.

SANNIO

I'll have her, in spite of all.

AESCHINUS

Though he is a villain, he'll not risk, to-day, getting a second beating.

SANNIO

Hear me, Aeschinus, that you may not say that you were in ignorance of my calling; I am a Procurer.

[*]

AESCHINUS

I know it.

SANNIO

And of as high a character as any one ever was. When you shall be excusing yourself by-and-by, how that you wish this injury had not been done me, I shall not value it this snapping his fingers. Depend upon it, I'll prosecute my rights; and you shall never pay with words for the evil that you have done me in deed. I know those ways of yours: "I wish it hadn't happened; I'll take my oath that you did not deserve this injustice;" while I myself have been treated in a disgraceful manner.

AESCHINUS

to PARMENO. Go first with all dispatch and open the door. PARMENO opens the door.

SANNIO

But you will avail nothing by this.

AESCHINUS

To the GIRL. Now then, step in.

SANNIO

coming between. But I'll not let her.

AESCHINUS

Step this way, Parmeno; you are gone too far that way; here pointing, stand close by him; there, that's what I want. Now then, take care you don't move your eyes in any direction from mine, that there may be no delay if I give you the sign, to your fist being instantly planted in his jaws.

SANNIO

I'd have him then try that.

AESCHINUS

to PARMENO. Now then, observe me.

PARMENO

to SANNIO. Let go the woman. Strikes him.

SANNIO

Oh! scandalous deed!

AESCHINUS

He shall repeat it, if you don't take care. PARMENO strikes him again.

SANNIO

Oh shocking!

AESCHINUS

to PARMENO. I didn't give the sign; but still make your mistakes on that side in preference. Now then, go. PARMENO goes with the MUSIC-GIRL into MICIO'S house.

SANNIO

What is the meaning of this? Have you the sway here, Aeschinus?

AESCHINUS

If I had it, you should be exalted for your deserts.

SANNIO

What business have you with me?

AESCHINUS

None.

SANNIO

How then, do you know who I am?

AESCHINUS

I don't want to.

SANNIO

Have I touched any thing of yours?

AESCHINUS

If you had touched it, you'd have got a drubbing.

SANNIO

What greater right then have you to take my property, for which I paid my money? Answer me that.

AESCHINUS

It were better for you not to be making a disturbance here before the house; for if you persist in being impertinent, you shall be dragged in at once, and there you shall be lashed to death with whips.

SANNIO

A free man, with whips?

AESCHINUS

So it shall be.

SANNIO

Oh, you shameless fellow! Is this the place where they say there is equal liberty for all?

AESCHINUS

If you have now raved enough, Procurer, now then listen, if you please.

SANNIO

Why, is it I that have been raving, or you against me?

AESCHINUS

Leave alone all that, and come to the point.

SANNIO

What point? Where am I to come to?

AESCHINUS

Are you willing now that I should say something that concerns you?

SANNIO

With all my heart, only so it be something that's fair.

AESCHINUS

Very fine! a Procurer wishing me not to say what's unfair.

SANNIO

I am a Procurer,

[*] I confess it-the common bane of youth—a perjurer, a public nuisance; still, no injury has befallen you from me.

AESCHINUS

Why, faith, that remains to come—

SANNIO

Pray, Aeschinus, do come back to the point at which you set out.

AESCHINUS

You bought her for twenty nine; and may your bargain never thrive! That sum shall be given for her.

SANNIO

What if I don't choose to sell her to you? Will you compel me?

AESCHINUS

By no means.

SANNIO

I was afraid you would.

AESCHINUS

Neither do I think that a woman can be sold who is free; for I claim her by action of freedom.

[*] Now consider which you choose; take the money, or prepare yourself for the action. Think of it, Procurer, till I return. [*] He goes into the house of MICIO.

SANNIO

to himself. O supreme Jupiter! I do by no means wonder that men run mad through ill usage. He has dragged me out of my house, beaten me, taken my property away against my will, and has given me, unfortunate wretch, more than five hundred blows. In return for all this ill usage he demands the girl to be made over to him for just the same price at which she was bought. But however, since he has so well deserved of me, be it so: he demands what is his due. Very well, I consent then, provided he only gives the money. But I suspect this; when I have said that I will sell her for so much, he'll be getting witnesses forthwith that I have sold her.

[*] As to getting the money, it's all a dream. Call again by and by; come back to-morrow. I could bear with that too, hard as it is, if he would only pay it. But I consider this to be the fact; when you take up this trade, you must brook and bear in silence the affronts of these young fellows. However, no one will pay me; it's in vain for me to be reckoning upon that.

SYRUS

speaking to AECHINUS within. Say no more; I myself will arrange with him; I'll make him glad to take the money at once, and say besides that he has been fairly dealt with. Addressing SANNIO. Sannio, how is this, that I hear you have been having some dispute or other with my master?

SANNIO

I never saw a dispute on more unequal terms

[*] than the one that has happened to-day between us; I, with being thumped, he, with beating me, were both of us quite tired.

SYRUS

Your own fault.

SANNIO

What could I do?

SYRUS

You ought to have yielded to the young man.

SANNIO

How could I more so, when to-day I have even afforded my face to his blows?

SYRUS

Well—are you aware of what I tell you? To slight money on some occasions is sometimes the surest gain. What!—were you afraid, you greatest simpleton alive, if you had parted with ever so little

[*] of your right, and had humored the young man, that he would not repay you with interest?

SANNIO

I do not pay ready money for hope.

SYRUS

Then you'll never make a fortune. Get out with you, Sannio; you don't know how to take in mankind.

SANNIO

I believe that to be the better plan—but I was never so cunning as not, whenever I was able to get it, to prefer getting ready money.

SYRUS

Come, come, I know your spirit; as if twenty minae were any thing at all to you in comparison to obliging him; besides, they say that you are setting out for Cyprus—

SANNIO

(aside.) Hah!

SYRUS

That you have been buying up many things to take thither; and that the vessel is hired. This I know, your mind is in suspense; however, when you return thence, I hope you'll settle the matter.

SANNIO

Not a foot do stir: Heavens! I'm undone! Aside. It was upon this hope they devised their project.

SYRUS

aside. He is alarmed. I've brought the fellow into a fix.

SANNIO

aside. Oh, what villainy!—Just look at that; how he has nicked me in the very joint.

[*] Several women have been purchased, and other things as well, for me to take to Cyprus. [*] If I don't get there to the fair, my loss will, be very great. Then if I postpone this business, and settle it when I come back from there, it will be of no use; the matter will be quite forgotten. "Come at last?" they'll say. "Why did you delay it? Where have you been?" So that I had better lose it altogether than either stay here so long, or be suing for it then.

SYRUS

Have you by this reckoned

[*] up what you calculate will be your profits?

SANNIO

Is this honorable of him? Ought Aeschinus to attempt this? Ought he to endeavor to take her away from me by downright violence?

SYRUS

aside. He gives ground. To SANNIO. I have this one proposal to make; see if you fully approve of it. Rather than you should run the risk, Sannio, of getting or losing the whole, halve it. He will manage to scrape together ten minae

[*] from some quarter or other.

SANNIO

Ah me! unfortunate wretch, I am now in danger of even losing part of the principal. Has he no shame? He has loosened all my teeth; my head, too, is full of bumps with his cuffs; and would he defraud me as well? I shall go nowhere.

SYRUS

Just as you please. Have you any thing more to say before I go?

SANNIO

Why yes, Syrus, i' faith, I have this to request. Whatever the matters that are past, rather than go to law, let what is my own be returned me; at least, Syrus, the sum she cost me. I know that you have not hitherto made trial of my friendship; you will have no occasion to say that I am unmindful or ungrateful.

SYRUS

I'll do the best I can. But I see Ctesipho; he's in high spirits about his mistress.

SANNIO

What about what I was asking you?

SYRUS

Stay a little.

CTESIPHO

From any man, when you stand in need of it, you are glad to receive a service; but of a truth it is doubly acceptable, if he does you a kindness who ought to do so. O brother, brother, how can I sufficiently commend you? This I am quite sure of; I can never speak of you in such high terms but that your deserts will surpass it. For I am of opinion that I possess this one thing in especial beyond all others, a brother than whom no individual is more highly endowed with the highest qualities.

SYRUS

O Ctesipho!

CTESIPHO

O Syrus, where is Aeschinus?

SYRUS

Why, look—he's at home, waiting for you.

CTESIPHO

speaking joyously. Ha!

SYRUS

What's the matter?

CTESIPHO

What's the matter? 'Tis through him, Syrus, that I am now alive—generous creature! Has he not deemed every thing of secondary importance to himself in comparison with my happiness? The reproach, the discredit, my own amour and imprudence, he has taken upon himself. There can be nothing beyond this; but what means that noise at the door?

SYRUS

Stay, stay; 'tis Aeschinus himself coming out.

AESCHINUS

Where is that villain?

SANNIO

aside. He's looking for me.[*] Is he bringing any thing with him? Confusion! I don't see any thing.

AESCHINUS

to CTESIPHO. Ha! well met; you are the very man I was looking for. How goes it, Ctesipho? All is safe: away then with your melancholy.

CTESIPHO

By my troth, I certainly will away with it, when I have such a brother as you. O my dear Aeschinus! O my brother! Alas! I am unwilling to praise you any more to your face, lest you should think I do so rather for flattery than through gratitude.

AESCHINUS

Go to, you simpleton! as though we didn't by this time understand each other, Ctesipho. This grieves me, that we knew of it almost too late, and that the matter had come to such a pass, that if all mankind had wished they could not possibly have assisted you.

CTESIPHO

I felt ashamed.

AESCHINUS

Pooh! that is folly, not shame; about such a trifling matter to be almost flying the country!

[*] 'Tis shocking to be mentioned; I pray the Gods may forbid it!

CTESIPHO

I did wrong.

AESCHINUS

in a lower voice. What says Sannio to us at last?

SYRUS

He is pacified at last.

AESCHINUS

I'll go to the Forum to pay him off; you, Ctesipho, step in-doors to her.

SANNIO

aside to SYRUS. Syrus, do urge the matter.

SYRUS

to AESCHINUS. Let us be off, for he is in haste foe' Cyprus.

[*]

SANNIO

Not particularly so; although still, I'm stopping here doing nothing at all.

SYRUS

It shall be paid, don't fear.

SANNIO

But he is to pay it all.

SYRUS

He shall pay it all; only hold your tongue and follow us this way.

SANNIO

I'll follow.

CTESIPHO

as SYRUS is going. Harkye, harkye, Syrus.

SYRUS

turning back. Well now, what is it?

CTESIPHO

aside. Pray do discharge that most abominable fellow as soon as possible; for fear, in case he should become more angry, by some means or other this matter should reach my father, and then I should be ruined forever.

SYRUS

That shall not happen, be of good heart; meanwhile enjoy yourself in-doors with her, and order the couches

[*] to be spread for us, and the other things to be got ready. As soon as this business is settled, I shall come home with the provisions.

CTESIPHO

Pray do so. Since this has turned out so well, let us make a cheerful day of it. CTESIPHO goes into the house of MICIO; and exeunt AESCHINUS and SYRUS, followed by SANNIO.