Adelphi; or, The Brothers (717-791)

MICIO

speaking to the people within. I'll go and tell them there's no delay on our part.

DEMEA

But see here's the very man: O Micio, I have been seeking you this long time.

MICIO

Why, what's the matter?

DEMEA

I'm bringing you some new and great enormities of that hopeful youth.

MICIO

Just look at that!

DEMEA

Fresh ones, of blackest dye.

MICIO

There now—at it again.

DEMEA

Ah, Micio! you little know what sort of person he is.

MICIO

I do.

DEMEA

O simpleton! you are dreaming that I'm talking about the Music-girl; this crime is against a virgin and a citizen.

MICIO

I know it.

DEMEA

So then, you know it, and put up with it!

MICIO

Why not put up with it?

DEMEA

Tell me, pray, don't you exclaim about it? Don't you go distracted?

MICIO

Not I: certainly I had rather

[*]—

DEMEA

There has been a child born.

MICIO

May the Gods be propitious to it.

DEMEA

The girl has no fortune.

MICIO

So I have heard.

DEMEA

And he—must he marry her without one?

MICIO

Of course.

DEMEA

What is to be done then?

MICIO

Why, what the case itself points out: the young woman must be brought hither.

DEMEA

O Jupiter! must that be the way then?

MICIO

What can I do else?

DEMEA

What can you do?: If in reality this causes you no concern, to pretend it were surely the duty of a man.

MICIO

But I have already betrothed the young woman to him; the matter is settled: the marriage takes place to-day. I have removed all apprehensions. This is rather the duty of a man.

DEMEA

But does the affair please you, Micio?

MICIO

If I were able to alter it, no; now, as I can not, I bear it with patience. The life of man is just like playing with dice:

[*] if that which you most want to throw does not turn up, what turns up by chance you must correct by art.

DEMEA

O rare corrector! of course it is by your art that twenty minae have been thrown away for a Music-girl; who, as soon as possible, must be got rid of at any price; and if not for money, why then for nothing.

MICIO

Not at all, and indeed I have no wish to sell her.

DEMEA

What will you do with her then?

MICIO

She shall be at my house.

DEMEA

For heaven's sake, a courtesan and a matron in the same house!

MICIO

Why not?

DEMEA

Do you imagine you are in your senses

MICIO

Really I do think so.

DEMEA

So may the Gods prosper me, I now see your folly; I believe you are going to do so that you may have somebody to practice music with.

MICIO

Why not?

DEMEA

And the new-made bride to be learning too?

MICIO

Of course.

DEMEA

Having hold of the rope,

[*] you will be dancing with them.

MICIO

Like enough; and you too along with us, if there's need.

DEMEA

Ah me! are you not ashamed of this?

MICIO

Demea, do, for once, lay aside this anger of yours, and show yourself as you ought at your son's wedding, cheerful and good-humored. I'll just step over to them, and return immediately. Goes into SOSTRATA'S house.

DEMEA

O Jupiter! here's a life! here are manners! here's madness! A wife to be coming without a fortune! A musicwench in the house! A house full of wastefulness! A young man ruined by extravagance! An:old man in his dotage!—Should Salvation herself

[*] desire it, she certainly could not save this family. (Exit.)

SYRUS

Upon my faith, my dear little Syrus, you have taken delicate care of yourself, and have done your duty

[*] with exquisite taste; be off with you. But since I've had my fill of every thing in-doors, I have felt disposed to take a walk.

DEMEA

apart. Just look at that—there's an instance of their good training!

SYRUS

to himself. But see, here comes our old man. Addressing him. What's the matter ? Why out of spirits?

DEMEA

Oh you rascal!

SYRUS

Hold now; are you spouting your sage maxims here?

DEMEA

If you were my servant—

SYRUS

Why, you would be a rich man, Demea, and improve your estate.

DEMEA

I would take care that you should be an example to all the rest.

SYRUS

For what reason ? What have I done ?

DEMEA

Do you ask me ? in the midst of this confusion, and during the greatest mischief, which is hardly yet set right, you have been getting drunk, you villain, as though things had been going on well.

SYRUS

aside. Really, I wish I hadn't come out.

DROMO

Halloo, Syrus! Ctesipho desires you'll come back.

SYRUS

Get you gone. Pushes him back into the house.

DEMEA

What is it he says about Ctesipho?

SYRUS

Nothing.

DEMEA

How now, you hang-dog, is Ctesipho in the house?

SYRUS

He is not.

DEMEA

Then why does he mention him?

SYRUS

It's another person; a little diminutive Parasite. Don't you know him?

DEMEA

I will know him before long. Going to the door.

SYRUS

stopping him. What are you about? Whither are you going?

DEMEA

struggling. Let me alone.

SYRUS

holding him. Don't, I tell you.

DEMEA

Won't you keep your hands off, whip-scoundrel? Or would you like me to knock your brains out this instant ? Rushes into the house.

SYRUS

He's gone! no very pleasant boon-companion, upon my faith, particularly to Ctesipho. What am I to do now ? Why, even get into some corner till this tempest is lulled, and sleep off this drop of wine. That's my plan. Goes into the house, staggering.

MICIO

to SOSTRATA, within. Every thing's ready with us, as I told you, Sostrata, when you like.—Who, I wonder, is making my door fly open with such fury ? Enter DEMEA in haste, from the house of MICIO.

DEMEA

Alas! what shall I do? How behave? In what terms exclaim, or how make my complaint? O heavens! O earth! O seas of Neptune !

MICIO

apart. Here's for you! he has discovered all about the affair; and of course is now raving about it; a quarrel is the consequence; I must assist him,

[*] however.

DEMEA

See, here comes the common corrupter of my children.

MICIO

Pray moderate your passion, and recover yourself.

DEMEA

I have moderated it; I am myself; I forbear all reproaches; let us come to the point: was this agreed upon between us,—proposed by yourself, in fact,—that you were not to concern yourself about my son, nor I about yours? Answer me.

MICIO

It is the fact,—I don't deny it.

DEMEA

Why is he now carousing at your house? Why are you harboring my son ? Why do you purchase a mistress for him, Micio ? Is it at all fair, that I should have any less justice from you, than you from me? Since I do not concern myself about your son, don't you concern yourself about mine.

MICIO

You don't reason fairly.

DEMEA

No ?

MICIO

For surely it is a maxim of old, that among themselves all things are common to friends.

DEMEA

Smartly said; you've got that speech up for the occasion.

MICIO

Listen to a few words, unless it is disagreeable, Demea. In the first place, if the extravagance your sons are guilty of distresses you, pray do reason with yourself. You formerly brought up the two suitably to your circumstances, thinking that your own property would have to suffice for them both; and, of course, you then thought that I should marry. Adhere to that same old rule of yours,—save, scrape together, and be thrifty for them; take care to leave them as much as possible, and take that credit to yourself: my fortune, which has come to them beyond their expectation, allow them to enjoy; of your capital there will be no diminution; what comes from this quarter, set it all down as so much gain. If you think proper impartially to consider these matters in your mind, Demea, you will save me and yourself, and them, considerable uneasiness.

DEMEA

I don't speak about the expense; their morals—

MICIO

Hold; I understand you; that point I was coming to.

[*] There are in men, Demea, many signs from which a conjecture is easily formed; so that when two persons do the same thing, you may often say, this one may be allowed to do it with impunity, the other may not; not that the thing itself is different, but that he is who does it. I see signs in them, so as to feel confident that they will turn out as we wish. I see that they have good sense and understanding, that they have modesty upon occasion, and are affectionate to each other; you may infer that their bent and disposition is of a pliant nature; at any time you like you may reclaim them. But still, you may be apprehensive that they will be somewhat too apt to neglect their interests. O my dear Demea, in all other things we grow wiser with age; this sole vice does old age bring upon men: we are all more solicitous about our own interests than we need be; and in this respect age will make them sharp enough.

DEMEA

Only take care, Micio, that these fine reasonings of yours, and this easy disposition of yours, do not ruin us in the end.

MICIO

Say no more; there's no danger of that. Now think no further of these matters. Put yourself to-day into my hands; smooth your brow.

DEMEA

Why, as the occasion requires it, I must do so; but to-morrow I shall be off with my son into the country at day-break.

MICIO

Aye, to-night, for my share; only keep yourself in good-humor for the day.

DEMEA

I'll carry off that Music-girl along with me as well.

MICIO

You will gain your point; by that means you will keep your son fast there; only take care to secure her.

DEMEA

I'll see to that; and what with cooking and grinding, I'll take care she shall be well covered with ashes, smoke, and meal; besides all this, at the very mid-day

[*] I'll set her gathering stubble; I'll make her as burned and as black as a coal.

MICIO

You quite delight me; now you seem to me to be wise; and for my part I would then compel my son to go to bed with her, even though he should be unwilling.

DEMEA

Do you banter me? Happy man, to have such a temper! I feel—

MICIO

Ah ! at it again!

DEMEA

I'll have done then at once.

MICIO

Go in-doors then, and let's devote this day to the object

[*] to which it belongs. Goes into the house.