Phormio; or, The Scheming Parasite (321-361)

Let the old gentleman come; all my plans are now ready prepared in my mind.

What will you do?

What would you have me? But that Phanium may continue with him, and that I may clear Antipho from this charge, and turn upon myself[*] all the wrath of the old gentleman?

O brave and kind man! But, Phormio, I often

dread lest this courage may end in the stocks at last.[*]

Oh, by no means; I’ve made trial, and have already pondered on the paths for my feet. How many men before to-day do you suppose I have beaten, even to death, strangers as well as citizens: the better I understand it, the oftener I try it. Just tell me, look you, did you ever hear of an action of damages being brought against me?

How is that?

Because the net is never spread for the hawk or the kite, that do us the mischief; it is spread for those that do us none: because in the last there is profit, while with the others it is labor lost. For persons, out of whom any thing can be got, there’s risk from others; they know that I’ve got nothing. You will say: They will take you,[*] when sentenced, into their house;

they have no wish to maintain a devouring fellow; and, in my opinion, they are wise, if for an injury they are unwilling to return the highest benefits.

It’s impossible that sufficient thanks can be returned you by him for your kindness.

Why no; no person can return thanks sufficient to his patron[*] for his kindness. For you to take your place at table at free cost,[*] anointed and just washed at the bath,

with your mind at ease, whereas he is devoured with the care and expense: while every thing is being done to give you delight, he is being vexed at heart; you are laughing away, first to drink,[*] take the higher place; a banquet full of doubts[*] is placed before you—

What is the meaning of that expression?

When you are in doubt which in especial to par-take of. When you enter upon a consideration how delicious these things are, and how costly they are,

the person who provides them, must you not account him a very God—neither more nor less?

The old man is coming; take care what you are about; the first onset is the fiercest; if you stand that, then, afterward, you may play just as you please.

Well now—did you ever hear of an injury being done to any person in a more affronting manner than this has to me?

Assist me, I do beg of you.

He’s in a passion.

Do you mind your cue; I’ll rouse him just now. (Stepping forward and crying aloud.) Oh immortal Gods! does Demipho deny that Phanium here is related to him?

He does deny it.

I believe it is the very man I was speaking about. Follow me. (They all come forward.)

And that he knows who her father was?

He does deny it.

And that he knows who Stilpho was?

He does deny it.

Because the poor thing was left destitute, her father is disowned; she herself is slighted: see what avarice does.

If you are going to accuse my: master of avarice, you shall hear what you won’t like.

Oh, the impudence of the fellow! Does he come on purpose to accuse me?

For really, I have no reason why I should be offended at the young man, if he did not know him; since that person, when growing aged and poor, and supporting himself by his labor, generally confined himself to the country; there he had a piece of land from my father