Truculentus, or The Churl (898b-924b)

What, I? I’m not even half spiteful enough to. wards that fellow.

My love, if I have at all offended before,

I present you with this mina of gold. If you smile upon me, deign me a look.

My hand forbids me to believe anything, before it holds in its possession. We require food for the child; we require it for the dame[*] as well, that bathes the child; we require it for the nurse[*], as well, that she may have a leather bottle full of old wine in ample style, that night and day she may tipple; we stand in need of fire; we want coals, too;

we want swathes, napkins, the cradle, the cradle-bed; oil we want; the child requires flour, for pap; all day we are wanting something; never, in the same one day, can our task be performed, but what there’s always need of something; for the children of officers cannot be reared upon medlars[*].

Look upon me then. Take this (presenting the money), with which to satisfy these necessities.

Give it me, although it’s very little.

Whatever you shall order, shall be given at your demand. Give me a kiss now. (Tries to kiss her.)

Leave me alone, I say! You are a nuisance!

It’s no use, I’m not loved by her; the day wears apace. More than ten pounds of silver have I lost in this short time by reason of my passion.

Take this, and carry it away in-doors. (ASTAPHIUM carries it in.) (Enter STRABAX, from the house.)

Where in the world is my mistress?

I get on with no business, either in the country or here, at this rate; I’m spoiling with mouldiness, I’m grown so dreadfully numbed with lying waiting here upon the couch. But look, I perceive her. Hallo! sweetheart, what are you about?

What fellow is that?

One that, upon my honor, I love far more than yourself.

Than myself? In what way?

Why, this way, that you are not to be troublesome to me. (Moves as if going.)

Are you going now, after you’ve got the gold?

What you’ve given me, I’ve put away in-doors.

Come here, sweetheart; I’ve got something to say to you.

Why, I was just coming to you.

To me, my charmer?[*]

In serious truth, i’ faith.

Although I seem a simpleton to you, I like myself to have a bit of recreation. For pretty though you are, you are so to your own loss, unless I amuse myself a bit with you.

Should you like me to embrace you and give you a kiss?

Do whatever you like, I’ll deem it agreable.