Truculentus, or The Churl (309b-329)

Why, he didn’t get his money by enriching harlots, but by thriftiness,

and living hard; which now, however, is being carried off to you, abominable jades. (Takes her by the shoulders and shakes her.) There’s for thee, six-clawed hussy; a wretched life to both of ye. Am I to keep mum about these matters? But, lookye now, I’ll be off to the Forum at once and tell these goings on to the old gentleman, that he mayn’t somehow be cherishing within this matting[*] a whole swarm of misfortunes.

Upon my faith, if this fellow were living on mustard, I don’t think he could possibly be as snappish. But, i’ troth, how much a well-wisher to his master he is. Still, although he is a savage, I trust that he can be changed by coaxing, allurements, and other arts of the courtesan. I’ve seen a horse from unruly become tamed, and other brutes as well.

Now I’ll go back to see my mistress. But see, my plague’s coming out. (The door of PHRONESIUM’S house is opened.) He’s coming out with a sad air; he hasn’t even yet had a meeting with Phronesium.

I do believe that the fishes, that are always bathing as long as they live, do not take so long in bathing as this Phronesium does in bathing. If women could be loved on as long as[*] they take in bathing,

all lovers would be becoming bath-keepers.

Can’t you endure waiting for a short time even?

Why, ’pon my faith, I’m wretchedly tired with waiting already.

I, as well, shall be obliged to go bathe from weariness

But, i’ faith, Astaphium, prithee do go in-doors and tell her