Stichus, or The Parasite Rebuffed (674_675-725)

why I who live there (pointing to the house of PAMPHILUS) am come out hither from this other house: I’ll inform you thereon. Just now was I sent for to this house by the back way. For as soon as news was brought that the husbands of these ladies were about to come, we all hurried thither. We attended to laying the couches, and setting all in order. Still, amid these duties, I had a care for my friends,

Stichus and my fellow-servant Sagarinus, that their dinner should be cooked. Stichus has been caterer; but for cooking it, I’ve appointed one my deputy. Now, I’ll be off hence, and attend to my friends, who, I see, are coming here.

Come, out of doors with you; lead on the procession[*]. Stichus, I appoint you commander of the cask. I’m resolved to prove our banquet in every fashion this day.

So may the Gods love me, we are well entertained in being feasted in this place. I will that each person that passes by shall be invited to join the banquet.

Agreed, so long only as, i’ faith, each man comes with his own wine[*]; for of this, a mouthful shall be given to no person but ourselves, this day. Eating alone[*], let’s wait upon ourselves.

This banquet,

for our means, is quite sufficient, with its nuts, beans, figs[*], a dish of olives, pounded lupines, and a cake.

It better becomes a man who is a slave to bring his expenses within moderation than beyond. Each one to his own station; they, who have wealth at home, drink from cups, goblets, and bowls; we, if we are now

drinking from our Samian jug[*], still build our walls according to our means.

But while she who is your mistress and mine is arranging her hair, and bedecking herself, I wish us to have some diversion among ourselves. I appoint you the commander[*] of this feast.

Very aptly does it suggest itself to your mind.

Wouldn’t we be more suitably[*] entertained like Cynics[*] on benches here, than upon couches?

Aye, but this is far the most pleasant.

On which side is each of us to recline by our mistress?

Of course you go to the upper place. And, so that you may understand it, I make a division with you on these terms: consider, and take which province you would even like now to take.

But what’s your meaning about this province?

Whether you would choose to hold the command over the water or over Bacchus.

Over Bacchus, most distinctly.

But, in the meantime, general of ours, why stands this goblet here? See how many cups[*] we have drunk.

As many as there are fingers on your hand. The Greek song is, Drink either your five cups[*] or your three, but not your four.

I pledge you. Do you take for yourself the tenth part from the fountain[*], if you are wise. Here’s luck to you, luck to us; here’s luck to thee, luck to me; luck to our Stephanium as well.

’Tis bravely done. I pledge you in a goblet.

Keep your wine;[*] I’d very much like something by way of a relish[*].

If you are not satisfied with what’s here, there’s nothing else. Take some water[*].

You say right; I care for no dainties.

Drink away, Piper[*]; drink, if you do drink. I’ faith, this must be drunk—don’t shirk it. (Holds the goblet to the PIPER.) Why flinch at what you see must be done by you? Why don’t you drink? Do it, if you are to do it. Take it, I tell you, for the public pays for this. That’s not your way to shirk your drink. Take your pipes[*] out of your mouth.

When he has drunk, either do you mind my rules[*], or else I’ll give up.

I don’t wish us to drink this straight out; we shall soon be about nothing[*]; for, by my faith, almost all in a moment, the cask might be turned head downwards[*].

How now? Although you did make a fuss about it, still it didn’t hurt you. Come, Piper, when you’ve done drinking, put back your pipes to your lips; quickly puff out your cheeks, just like a reptile serpent[*].

Come now, Stichus, whichever of the two breaks order, shall be fined a cup.