Stichus, or The Parasite Rebuffed (557-586c)

Why surely, this young man must have been a good-for-nothing fellow, who forthwith, when the other asked him, refused to give him a grain of wheat. But, i’ troth, the old gentleman asked what was fair, inasmuch as

the dowry which he had given to his daughter, he wished him to have as an equivalent for the music-girl.

I’ faith, for sure I really do think that the young man was well advised, who wouldn’t give a mistress to that old fellow in return for the dower.

The old gentleman wished, indeed, if he could, to bargain for their maintenance; because he couldn’t, he said he wished it to be done on what terms it might.

Done, said this young man. You do me a kindness, said the old gentleman. Have I the thing agreed upon? said he. I’ll do even as you wish it to be done, said the other. But I’ll be off in-doors, and congratulate my daughters on your arrival. Then I’ll go wash me at the bath[*]; there will I take all care of my old age; after that, when I’ve bathed, lying down, I’ll await you at my leisure.

A funny mortal, Antipho; how cleverly he did make up his story.

Even yet the rogue considers himself a young man. A mistress shall be given to the fellow, to sing to the old chap at night in bed; for, i’ faith, indeed, I know not of what other use a mistress can be to him.

But how fares our Parasite, Gelasimus? Is he well, too?

I’ faith, I saw the fellow not so very long ago.

How fares he?

Like one half-starved.

Why didn’t you invite the fellow to your house to dinner?

That on my arrival I mightn’t be wasting anything. But see, here’s the wolf in the Fable[*]; here he is in person with his ravenous fit.

We’ll have some sport with the fellow.

You put me in mind of a plan I had already resolved on.

But as I had begun to tell you; while I have been absent hence,

I’ve now been consulting with my friends and with my relatives. They have been my advisers to the effect that I should this very day kill myself with starvation. But don’t I see Pamphilus with his brother Epignomus? Yes, ’tis he. I’ll accost the man. (Goes up to PAMPHILUS.) O longed-for Pamphilus! O my salvation! O my life! O my delight! right welcome. I rejoice that

you’ve returned safe from abroad to your native land. Welcome.

Welcome, Gelasimus.

Have you been quite well?

I have taken good care of my health.

I’ troth, I’m glad of it. I’ faith, I confoundedly wish I had now a thousand measures of silver.