Rudens, or The Fisherman's Rope (458-522)

O ye immortal Gods, I never did imagine that there was so great delight in water; how heartily I did draw this.

The well seemed much less deep than formerly. How entirely without exertion did I draw this up. With all deference[*] to myself, am I not a very silly fellow,in having only to-day made a commencement of being in love[*]? (Turning slowly round, he holds out the pitcher.) Here’s the water for you, my pretty one; here now, I would have you carry it with as much pleasure as I carry it, that you may please me.

(Stares around him.) But where are you, my tit-bit? Do take this water, please; where are you? (Again looks about.) I’ troth, she’s in love with me, as I fancy; the roguish one’s playing bo-peep[*]. Where are you? Are you going now to take this pitcher? Where are you, I say? You’ve carried the joke far enough. Really, do be serious at last. Once more, are you going to take this pitcher? Where in the world are you?

(Looks about.) I’ troth, I don’t see her anywhere, for my part; she’s making fun of me. I’ faith, I shall now set down this pitcher in the middle of the road. But yet, suppose any person should carry away from here this sacred pitcher of Venus, he would be causing me some trouble. I’ faith, I’m afraid that this woman’s laying a trap for me,

that I may be caught with the sacred pitcher of Venus. In such case, with very good reason, the magistrate will be letting me die in prison, if any one shall see me holding this. For it’s marked with the name; itself tells its own tale, whose property it is. Troth now, I’ll call that Priestess here out of doors,

that she may take this pitcher. I’ll go there to the door. (He knocks.) Hallo there! Ptolemocratia. (Calling aloud.) Take this pitcher of yours, please; some young woman, I don’t know who, brought it here to me. (A pause.) It must then be carried in-doors by me. I’ve found myself a job, if, in fact, of my own accord, water is to be carried by me for these people as well.

The person that chooses himself to be wretched and a beggar, let him trust himself and his life to Neptune. For if any one has any dealings at all with him, he sends him back home equipped in this guise.

(Surveying himself.) By my troth, Liberty, you were a clever one, who were never willing[*] to put even a foot, I’ faith, on board ship with me.

But (looking round) where’s this guest of mine that has proved my ruin? Oh, see, here he comes.

Where the plague are you hurrying to, Labrax? For really I cannot follow you so fast.

I only wish that you had perished by direful tornments in Sicily before I had looked upon you with my eyes,

you on whose account this misfortune has befallen me.

I only wish that on the day on which you admitted me into your house, I had laid me down in a prison sooner. I pray the immortal Gods, that so long as you live,

you may have all your guests just like your own self.

In your person I admitted misfortune into my house. What business had I to listen to a rogue like you, or what to depart hence? Or why to go on board ship, where I have lost even more wealth[*] than I was possessor of?

Troth, I’m far from being surprised if your ship has been wrecked, which was carrying yourself, a villain, and your property villanously acquired.

You’ve utterly ruined me with your wheedling speeches.

A more accursed dinner of yours have I been dining upon than the ones that were set before Thyestes and Tereus[*].

I’m dying; I’m sick at heart. Prithee, do hold up my head.

By my troth, I could very much wish that you would vomit up your lungs.

Alas! Palaestra and Ampelisca, where are you now?

Supplying food for the fishes at the bottom, I suppose.

You have brought beggary upon me by your means,

while I was listening to your bragging lies.

You have reason deservedly to give me many hearty thanks, who from an insipid morsel by my agency have made you salt[*].

Nay, but do you get out from me to extreme and utter perdition.

You be off; I was just going to do that very thing.

Alas! what mortal being is there living more wretched than I?

I am by very far much more wretched, Labrax, than yourself.

How so?