Pseudolus, or The Cheat (649-690)

For my part, I understand it; the person who should bring the money and the impress of his likeness

hither to us, with him he said he wished the damsel to be sent; for he left a specimen of it here as well.

You understand the whole affair?

Why should I not understand it?

Give him this token then.

Very well. But what’s your name?

Harpax.

Get along with you, Harpax, I like you not. By my troth, you really shan’t enter this house, lest you should be doing something in the harpy line [*].

I am wont to carry off my enemies alive from the battle-field; from that circumrstance is my name.

I’ faith, I think that you are much more likely to carry off the brass pots from a house.

Such is not the fact. But, Syrus, do you know what I request of you?

I shall know, if you tell me.

I shall put up outside of the gate here, at the third shop, at the house of that tun-bellied, limping, fat old woman, Chrysis.

What do you wish then?

That you’ll fetch me thence when your master comes.

At your pleasure; by all means.

For, as I’ve come wearied off my journey, I wish to refresh myself.

You are very wise, and your plan is agreable to me. But take care, please, that you are not out of the way when I send for you.

Why, when I’ve dined, I shall indulge myself with a nap.

I quite agree with you.

Do you wish aught else?

That you’ll be off to take your nap.

I’m off.

And, do you hear, Harpax? Order yourself to be covered up, please; you’ll receive the benefit if you take a good sweat.

Immortal Gods! this man has preserved me by his coming. By his supply for my journey he has brought me from my wanderings quite into the right way. For the Goddess Opportunity herself could not come to me more opportunely,

than has this letter in this opportune manner been brought to me. For this has been brought as a horn of plenty [*], in which there is whatever I wish for: here are my wiles, here all my tricks, here my stratagems, here my money, here his mistress for my master’s son so much in love. And now how vaunting shall I show myself; how, with a breast so fertile in expedients,

I was to do each thing, how, to steal away the damsel from the procurer, I had all my plans arranged in order in my mind as I desired, fixed, planned out. But, no doubt, thus will it come to pass: this Goddess Fortune, unaided, prevails over the designs of a hundred armed men. And this is the fact, just as each person uses his fortune, so does he surpass others,

and forthwith we all pronounce him wise. When we learn that the counsels of any person have turned out well, we declare that he is a prudent man; but that he is a fool who is unsuccessful. In our folly we know not how much we are mistaken, when we eagerly wish anything to be given to us; as though we ourselves could possibly know what is for our advantage.

We lose what is certain, while we are seeking what is uncertain. And this comes to pass, amid labours and amid sorrow, that death meanwhile comes creeping on. But there’s enough now of philosophizing; I have been talking too long, and at too great length. Immortal Gods! my lie was not dear at its weight in double-distilled gold, which I just now trumped up here on the spur of the moment,

when I said that I belonged to the procurer. Now, through this letter shall I deceive three persons—my master, and the procurer, and him who gave me this letter. Excellent! another thing as well has happened, that I wished for: see, Calidorus is coming; he is bringing some one with him, I know not whom.