Persa, or The Persian (44b-104)

I really will try, if any one will trust me.

Am I then to consider it[*] as a thing in possibility?

If I had had it at home, I’d promise it at once. This is in my power, to use my best endeavours.

Whatever it is, come you home to me.

Still do you try to get it; I’ll carefully do the same. If anything shall turn up, I’ll let you know at once.

I entreat you, and entreat over and over again, do give me your stanch help in this.

O dear! you are worrying me to death by your importunity.

It’s through the fault of love, and not my own, that I’m now become a silly prater to you.

Then, i’ troth, I’ll now be taking my leave of you.

Are you going away, then? A good walk to you. But betake yourself back as soon as you can, and do take care that I haven’t to seek you; I shall be close at home until I have cooked up a mishap for the Procurer.

The old and ancient calling of my forefathers do I follow, and hold, and cultivate with great care.

For never was there any one of my forefathers, but that by acting the parasite they filled their bellies: my father, grandfather, great-grandfather, great-great-grandfather, his father, and his grandfather, just like mice, always fed on the victuals of others, and in love of good eating no one could excel them.

Hard Heads[*] was their surname. From them have I derived this calling, and the station of my forefathers; nor do I wish myself to turn informer[*], nor indeed does it become me, without risk of my own, to go seize upon the goods of other people; nor do those persons please who do so; I’m speaking out.

For whoever does this, more for the sake of the public than of his own benefit, my mind can be induced to believe that he is a citizen both faithful and deserving; but if he should not prosecute to conviction the breaker of the laws, let him pay one half of the intended penalty to the public. And let this, too, be written in that law;

when an informer has prosecuted any one, let the other in his turn[*] sue him for just as much, and upon equal terms let them come before the Triumvirs[*]. If that were done, assuredly I’d make those nowhere to be seen, who here with their whitened nets[*] lay siege to the property of others.

But am I not a simpleton, to be taking care of the public interests when there are the magistrates, whose duty it is to take care of them? Now I’ll in-doors here; I’ll go look after the scraps from yesterday, whether they have rested well or not; whether they have had a fever[*]; whether they’ve been well covered up or not, so that no one could creep up to them.

But the door is opening; I must pause in my steps.

I’ve hit upon the whole matter, so that with his own money the Procurer may this day make her his freed-woman. But see, here’s the Parasite whose assistance I have need of. I’ll make believe as though I didn’t see him; in that way I’ll allure the fellow.

(Goes to the door, and calls to the SERVANTS within.) Do you attend, you there, and quickly make haste, that I mayn’t have any delay when I come in-doors. Mix the honied wine; get ready the quinces and the junkets[*], that they may be nicely warmed upon the dishes, and throw in some scented calamus[*]. I’ faith, that boon-companion of mine, I fancy, will be here just now.

He’s meaning me—bravo!

I think that he’ll be here just now from the baths when he has bathed.

How he does keep everything in its due order.

Take you care that the gravy-cakes[*] and the cheese-biscuits[*] are hot; don’t be giving them to me unbaked.

He’s speaking the very fact; they are worth nothing raw, only if you swallow them warm.

Then, unless the broth for the gravy-cakes is of a thick consistency, that miserable, thin, pale, transparent stuff, is worth nothing at all. The broth for a gravy-cake ought to be like a soup. I don’t want it to be going into my bladder, I want it for my stomach.

Some one, I know not who, is talking near me here.

O my earthly Jupiter, your fellow-feaster addresses you.

O Saturio, you’ve come opportunely for me.

Upon my faith, you are telling a lie, and it becomes you not; for as Hungerio[*] I’m come, not as Saturio am I come.

But you shall have something to eat; for now the creature-comforts for the stomach are smoking away in-doors.