Mostellaria, or The Haunted House (1150-1180b)

Tell them in what way your servant made a fool of you. You would be affording most capital plots for Comedies.

Hold your tongue awhile; let me speak in my turn.—Listen.

By all means.

In the first place of all then, you know that I am the companion of your son;

he has gone to my house, for he is ashamed to come into your presence, because he knows that you are aware what he has done. Now, I beseech you, do pardon his simplicity and youthfulness. He is your son; you know that this age is wont to play such pranks; whatever he has done, he has done in company with me. We have acted wrong:

the interest, principal, and all the sum at which the mistress was purchased, all of it we will find, and will contribute together, at our own cost, not yours.

No mediator could have come to me more able to influence me than yourself. I am neither angry with him[*], nor do I blame him for anything: nay more, in my presence, wench on, drink, do what you please.

If he’s ashamed of this, that he has been extravagant, I have sufficient satisfaction.

I’m quite ashamed myself

He grants pardon thus far; now then, what is to become of me?

Filth, tied up as you hang, you shall be beaten with stripes.

Even though I am ashamed[*]?

Upon my faith, I’ll be the death of you, if I live!

Make this pardon general; do, pray, forgive Tranio this offence, for my sake.

I would more readily put up with your obtaining any other request of me than that I should forbear sending to perdition this fellow for his most villanous doings.

Pray, do pardon him.

Do pardon me?

Look there, don’t you see how the villain sticks there?[*]

Tranio, do be quiet, if you are in your senses.

Only do you be quiet in urging this matter. I’ll subdue him with stripes, so that he shall be quiet.

Really, there is no need.

Come now, do allow yourself to be prevailed upon.

I wish you would not request me.

Troth now, I do entreat you.

I wish you would not request me, I tell you.

It’s in vain you wish me not; only do grant this one pardon for his offence, pray, for my sake, I do entreat you.

Why make this difficulty? As if to-morrow I shouldn’t be very soon committing some other fault; then, both of them, both this one and that, you’ll be able to punish soundly.

Do let me prevail upon you.

Well then, have it so; begone, unpunished! (TRANIO jumps down from the altar.) There now, (pointing to CALLIDAMATES) return him thanks for it. (Coming forward.) Spectators, this Play is finished; grant us your applause[*].