Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart Captain (910-951)

And as though this affair is managed through me, as the go-between, and your servant-maid.

You might have made a good prophet; for you tell what is to be.

As though this maid of yours had conveyed from you this ring to me, which I was then to deliver to the Captain, in your name.

You say what’s true.

What need is there to mention these things now, which they remember so well?

Still, it is better.

For think of this, my patron; when the shipwright is skilful, if he has once laid down the keel exact to its lines, ’tis easy to build the ship, when ⋯ Now this keel of ours has been skilfully laid and firmly placed; the workmen and the master-builders are not unskilled in this business.

If he who furnishes the timber[*] does not retard us in giving what is needed, I know the adroitness of our ingenuity—soon will the ship be got ready.

You know the Captain, my master, then?

’Tis strange you should ask me. How could I not know that scorn of the public, that swaggering, frizzle-headed, perfumed debauchee?

But does he know you?

He never saw me: how, then, should he know who I am?

’Tis most excellent what you say. For that reason, i’ faith, the thing will be able to be managed all the more cleverly.

Can you only find me the man, and then be easy as to the rest? If I don’t make a fool of the fellow, do you lay all the blame on me.

Well, go you in then; apply yourselves to this business with all your skill.

Trust me for that[*].

Come, Periplecomenus, do you conduct them at once in-doors. I’m off to the Forum; I’ll meet him, and give him this ring, and will tell him that it has been delivered to me from your wife, and that she is dying for him. As soon as we shall have come from the Forum, do you send her
(points to MILPHIDIPPA) to our house as though she were privately sent to him.

We’ll do so; trust us for that.

Do you only attend to the business; I’ll now polish him off with a pretty burden on his back.

Go, with good luck to you, manage the matter cleverly. (To ACROTELEUTIUM.) But now, if I shall manage this adroitly, that my guest can this day gain the mistress of the Captain, and carry her off hence to Athens; if, I say, this day we shall succeed in this plan,

what shall I give you for a present?

⋯ If now the lady seconds our efforts on her part,

I think it will be right cleverly and adroitly managed.

When a comparison shall be made of our artifices, I have no fear that I shall not prove superior in the cleverness of my contrivances.

Let’s go in-doors, then, that we may deeply weigh these plans,

that carefully and cautiously we may carry out what is to be done, so that, when the Captain comes, there may be no tripping.

You are delaying us with your talk.

’Tis a pleasure what you do, if it succeeds agreably and to your mind. For I this day have sent my Parasite to King Seleucus, to lead those soldiers, that I have levied, hence to Seleucus;

in order that they may defend his kingdom till I have leisure to attend in person.

Why don’t you attend to your own concerns rather than those of Seleucus. What a charming new proposal is being offered to you through me as the negotiator.