Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart Captain (61-130)

They questioned me about you. Is Achilles here? says one to me. No, says I, his brother is. Then says the other to me: By my troth, but he is a handsome and a noble man. See how his long hair becomes him.

Certainly the women are lucky who share his favours.

And pray, did they really say so?

They both entreated me to bring you past to-day by way of a sight[*] to them.

’Tis really a very great plague to be too handsome a man.

They are quite a nuisance to me; they are praying, entreating, beseeching me,

to let them see you; bidding me be fetched to them; so that I can’t give my attention to your business.

It seems that it is time for us to go to the Forum, that I may count out their pay to those soldiers whom I have enlisted of late.

For King Seleucus [*] entreated me with most earnest suit that I would raise and enlist recruits for him. To that business have I resolved to devote my attention this day.

Come, let’s be going then.

Guards, follow me.

To tell the subject of this our play, I have all willingness,

if you will but have the kindness to listen to it. But he who does not wish to listen, let him arise and go out, that there may be room where he may sit who does wish to listen. Now I will disclose to you both the subject and the name of the play which we are just now about to act, and for the sake of which you are now seated in this mirthful place[*],

Alazon is the name[*], in Greek, of this Comedy; the same we call in Latin, the Braggart (Gloriosus). This city is Ephesus; then, the Captain, my master, who has gone off hence to the Forum, a bragging, impudent,

stinking fellow, brimful of lying and lasciviousness, says that all the women are following him of their own accord. Wherever he goes, he is the laughing.stock of all; and so, the Courtesans here—since they make wry mouths at him, you may see the greater part of them with lips all awry.

I wish you now to know this, how I came to be his slave, from him to whom I was servant before; for ’tis not long that I have been in slavery to him. Give your attention, for now I will begin the argument. A very worthy young man at Athens was my master.

He was in love with a Courtesan, brought up at Athens, in Attica, and she on the other hand loved him; such affection is most worthy to be cherished. In the public service, he was sent to Naupactus [*] as Ambassador on behalf of that mighty republic. In the mean time, by chance, this Captain came to Athens.

He introduced himself to this lady of my master, began to cajole her mother with presents of wine, trinkets, and costly treats; and so the Captain made himself on intimate terms with the procuress. As soon as ever an opportunity was presented for this Captain,

he tricked this procuress, the mother of the damsel, whom my master loved. For, unknown to her mother, he put the daughter on board ship, and carried this woman, against her will, hither to Ephesus. Soon as I knew that the lady of my master was carried off from Athens,

as quickly as ever I was able, I procured for myself a ship: I embarked, that I might carry tidings of this matter to my master at Naupactum. When we had got out to sea, some pirates, as they had hoped to do, took that ship on board of which I was; thus I was undone before I reached my master, for whom I had commenced to proceed on my voyage.

He that took me, gave me as a present to this same Captain. After he had taken me home to his own house, I saw there that favorite of my master who lived at Athens. When, on the other hand, she perceived me, she gave me a sign with her eyes not to address her by name. Afterwards, when there was an opportunity,

the damsel complained to me of her hard fate. She said that she wished to escape to Athens from this house, that she was attached to him, that master of mine who lived at Athens, and that she had never hated any one more thoroughly than this same Captain. As I discovered the feelings of the damsel,

I took tablets, sealed them in private, and gave them to a certain merchant to carry to him (my master, I mean, who was at Athens, and who had so loved her), in order that he might come hither. He did not slight the message, for he both is come, and is lodging here next door,