Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart Captain (576-625)

He has been cajoling me. How kindly he vouchsafed his favour not to be angry. I know what plan he is upon: that directly the Captain returns home from the Forum, I may be caught at home. He and Palaestrio together

have me in their power: I have perceived that, and for some time I’ve known it. I’ faith, never will I be seeking a bait this day from out of that wicker-net[*]. For now somewhither will I betake myself, and for some days will I lie concealed until this turmoil is hushed and their resentment is softened. Enough punishment for my unlucky prating have I already merited.

But still, whatever befals me I’ll be off hence home.

So he has departed hence. I’ faith, I know right well, that a dead pig full oft has more relish[*] by far than a living one: so bamboozled has he been, that he did not see what he really did see. For his eyes, and ears, and thoughts

have come over to us. So far, ’tis right cleverly managed; the lady has played her part most excellently. I’ll go back again to my Senate[*]; for Palaestrio is now at home in my house, and now Sceledrus is gone from the door. A full Senate can now be held.

I’ll go in; lest while I am absent, there should be a distribution[*] of their parts among them.

Keep yourselves within[*] doors, yet a moment, Pleusicles. Let me first look out, that there may be no ambush anywhere, against that council which we intend to hold. For now we have need of a safe place from which no enemy can win the spoils of our counsels.

For a well-devised plan is very often filched away, if the place for deliberating has not been chosen with care or with caution; and what is well-advised is ill-advised if it proves of use to the enemy; and if it proves of use to the enemy, it cannot otherwise than prove a detriment to yourself. For if the enemy learn your plans,

by your own self-same plans they tie your tongue and bind your hands; and they do the very same to you that you intended to do to them. But I’ll spy about, lest any one, either in this direction on the left or on the right, should come like a huntsman on our counsels with his ears like toils[*]. (Looks about.) Quite vacant is the prospect hence right to the bottom of the street.

I’ll call them out. Hallo! Periplecomenus and Pleusicles, come out!

Behold us here obedient to your call.

The sway is easy over the good. But I wish to know, if we are to carry out the matter on the same plan that we formed within?

Why, in fact there’s nothing can be more conducive to our purpose.

Well, what say you, Pleusicles?

Can that displease me which pleases yourselves? What person is there more my friend than your own self?

You speak kindly and obligingly.

Faith, and so he ought to do.

But this affair shockingly distresses me, and torments my very heart and body.

What is it that torments you? Tell me.

That I should cause childish actions in a person of your years, and that I should require of you deeds that neither become yourself nor your virtues;

and that, with all your might, for my sake you are striving to aid me in my passion, and are doing actions of such a kind, as, when done, these years of yours are wont rather to avoid than follow. I am ashamed that I cause you this trouble in your old age.

You are a person in love after a new fashion. If, in fact, you are ashamed of anything you do,

you are nothing of a lover. You are rather the shadow of those who are in love, than a true lover, Pleusicles.