Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart Captain (1150-1195c)

Don’t you know that when, from a deep well, you have ascended up to the top, there is the greatest danger lest you should thence fall back again from the top. This affair is now being carried on at the top of the well. If the Captain should have a suspicion of it, nothing whatever of his will be able to be carried off. Now, most especially, we have need of clever contrivances.

I see that there is material enough at home for that purpose—

three women, yourself the fourth, I am the fifth, the old gentleman the sixth.

What an edifice of stratagems has been erected by us! I know for certain. that any town seems as though it could be taken by these plans: only do you lend your assistance.

For that purpose are we come to you, to see if you wish for anything.

You do what’s à propos. Now to you do I assign this department[*].

General, you shall assign me whatever you please, so far as I am capable.

I wish this Captain to be played off cleverly and adroitly.

I’ faith, you’re assigning me what’s a pleasure to me.

But do you understand how?

You mean that I must pretend that I am distracted with love for him.

Right—you have it.

And as though by reason of that love I had foregone[*] my present marriage, longing for a match with him.

Everything exactly in its due order; except only this one point; you must say that this house (pointing to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS) was your marriage-portion; that the old man had departed hence from you after you had carried out the divorce, lest he should be afraid just now to come here into the house of another man.

You advise me well.

But when he comes out from in-doors, I wish you—standing at a distance there—

so to make pretence, as though in comparison with his beauty you despised your own, and as though you were struck with awe at his opulent circumstances; at the same time, too, praise the comeliness of his person, the beauty of his face. Are you tutored enough?

I understand it all. Is it enough that I give you my work so nicely finished off that you cannot find a fault with it.

I’m content. Now (addressing PLEUSICLES), in your turn, learn what charge I shall give to you. So soon as this shall be done, when she shall have gone in, then do you immediately take care to come here dressed in the garb of a master of a ship. Have on a broad-brimmed hat[*] of iron-grey, a woollen shade[*] before your eyes; have on an iron-grey cloak[*] (for that is the seaman’s colour);

have it fastened over the left shoulder, your right arm projecting out[*], ⋯ your clothes some way well girded up, pretend as though you are some master of a ship. And all these requisites are at the house of this old gentleman, for he keeps fishermen.

Well, when I’m dressed out, why don’t you tell me what I’m to do then?

Come here, and, in the name of her mother, bring word to Philocomasium, that, if she would return to Athens, she must go with you to the harbour directly, and that she must order it to be carried down to the ship if she wishes anything to be put on board; that if she doesn’t go, you must weigh anchor, for the wind is favourable.

I like your plan much: do proceed.

The Captain will at once advise her to go speedily that she may not delay her mother.

Every way you are clever.

I shall tell him that she asks for me as a helper to carry her baggage down to the harbour. I shall go, and, understand you, I shall immediately be off with you straight to Athens.

And when you have reached there, I’ll never let you be ashore three days before you’re free.

Be off speedily and equip yourself.

Is there anything besides?

Only to remember all this.