Epidicus, or The Fortunate Discovery (302b-355)

I really pray the Gods it may be so.

You’ll obtain your prayer.

Why then, don’t you go in-doors and bring the money out here? I’ll go visit the Forum. Epidicus, do you come thither.

Don’t you go away from there before I come to you.

I’ll wait till then.

Do you follow me in-doors.

Go and count it out; I’ll not detain you at all.

I do think that in the Attic land there is no spot of land so fertile as is this Periphanes of ours; why, from the locked and sealed-up money-chest I summon forth silver just as much as I please.

But this, i’ troth, I am afraid of, that if the old man should come to know it, he’ll be making parasites of elm-twigs[*], to be shaving me quite clean. But one matter and consideration disturbs me—what music-girl, one that goes out on hire, I’m to show to Apaecides. (He muses.) And that as well I’ve got: this morning the old gentleman bade me

bring for him on hire some music-girl to his house here, to sing for him while he was performing a sacrifice[*]. She shall be hired, and be instructed beforehand in what way she’s to prove herself cunning towards the old man. I’ll away in-doors; I’ll get the money out of the swindled old fellow.

I’m distractedly in suspense and worn to the heart with waiting how the fair promises of Epidicus will turn out for me. I’ve been tormented too long. Whether there is to be anything, or whether there is not, I wish to know.

For all these resources you may still seek some other resources for yourself. For my part, I knew at the first, or the instant, that there was no help for you in him[*].

Upon my faith, I’m ruined!

You act absurdly in tormenting yourself in mind. By my troth, if I should catch him, I would never allow that slave of a fellow to be laughing at us with impunity.

What can you expect him to do, you, who have such great wealth at home, and have not a coin of it, as you say, and have in yourself no resources for your friend?

I’ faith, if I had had it, I should have proffered it with pleasure; but something in some manner[*], in some way, in some direction, from some person, some hope I have for you, that there’ll be some good fortune for you to share with me.

Woe to you, you sneaking fellow[*].

Why does it please you to abuse me?

Why, because you are prating to me about something in some manner, from somewhere or other, from some persons,

that nowhere exists, and I won’t admit it to my ears. Of no more assistance are you unto me than he who never yet has been born.

You’ve done your duty then; it now befits me to do mine. Through this care of mine, you may be allowed to be at ease. (In a lower voice.) This, in fact, is now lost to you; don’t at all be setting your hopes on it. (Holding some of the coins in his hands.) How very shining it is! You only trust me for that.

This way I’m going to act, this way my forefathers have acted before me. O ye immortal Gods, what a brilliant day you have bestowed upon me in this how propitious and how favourable to my requests! But why do I delay to take my departure hence, that I may bear this supply with lucky auspices to the colony[*]. I’m delaying while I’m standing here. But what means this? Before the house I see the two companions,

my master and Chaeribulus. (Accosting them.) What are you doing? Take this, will you.

How much is there in this?

As much as is enough, and more than enough; a superabundance; I’ve brought more by ten minae than you owe to the Banker. So long as I please and obey you, I value my own back at a straw.

But why so?

Because I shall make your father a bag-murderer[*].

What kind of expression is that?

I don’t at all care for your old-fashioned and every-day words; you chouse by purses full[*], but I’ll chouse by bags full. For the procurer took away a whole lot of money for the music-girl (I paid it; with these hands I counted it out), her whom your father supposes to be his own daughter. Now, again, that your father may be deceived, and assistance be provided for you,

I’ve discovered a method. In such a way have I persuaded the old gentleman—and had a talk to this effect, that, when you returned, you might not have possession of her[*]—