Epidicus, or The Fortunate Discovery (165-206b)

not to walk abroad here, or come anywhere in the way of the old gentleman.

Mostly all men[*] are ashamed when they have no occasion to be; when they ought to be ashamed, then does shame forsake them, when there’s a necessity for their being ashamed. That man, in fact, are you. What is there to be ashamed of

in your bringing home a wife, poor, but born of good family? Especially her, whose daughter you say this girl is, who is at your house?

I have some regard for my son[*].

But, i’ faith, the wife whom you buried I thought you had felt some respect for;

whose tomb as oft as you see, you straightway sacrifice victims to Orcus; and not without reason, in fact, since you’ve been allowed to get the better of her by surviving her.

Ah me! I was a Hercules while she was with me; and, upon my faith, the sixth labour[*] was not more difficult to Hercules than the one that fell to my lot.

I’ faith, money’s a handsome dowry.

Troth, so it is, which isn’t encumbered with a wife.

Hist! hist! be silent, and have good courage; with a fair omen have I come out of doors, the bird upon the left hand[*]. (Pointing to his head.) I’ve got a sharp knife, with which to embowel the old man’s purse;

but see! here he is before the house of Apaecides, the two old fellows, just as I want. Now I shall change me into a leech, and suck out the blood of these who are called the pillars of the Senate.

Let him be married at once.

I approve of your design.

For I’ve heard that he’s entangled with love with a certain music-girl, I don’t know who. At that I’m vexed to death.

By my troth, all the Deities do aid, amplify, and love me; really, these men themselves are pointing out to me the way by means of which I’m to get the money out of them. Now then, come, equip yourself, Epidicus, and throw your cloak about your neck (suiting the action to the word.)

and pretend as though you had been in search of the man all the city over. On with it, if you are going to do it! (He hurries past the OLD MEN as though he didn’t see them, and calls out aloud.) Immortal Gods! I do wish I could meet with Periphanes at home, whom I’m tired with searching for all over the city, throughout the doctors’ shops, throughout the barbers’ shops, in the gymnasium, and in the Forum, at the perfumers’ shops and the butchers’ stalls[*], and round about the bankers’ shops.

I’m become hoarse with enquiring; I’ve almost dropped down with running.

Epidicus!

Who is it that’s calling Epidicus back?

It’s I, Periphanes.

And I, Apaecides.

And I, indeed, am Epidicus. But, master, I find that you’ve both met me at the nick of time.

What’s the matter?

Wait, wait! (puffs and blows.) prithee, do let me get breath!

By all means, rest yourself.

I’m quite faint;

I must recover my breath.

Do rest yourself at your leisure.

Lend me your attention. All the men of the army have been remanded home from Thebes[*].

Who knows for certain that this has been done?