Epidicus, or The Fortunate Discovery (129b-160)

I’ve been free from disease; in mind I’ve been ailing.

As regarded myself, I’ve taken care of what you entrusted to me; it has been obtained; the female captive has been bought, about which matter you were sending me letters so often.

You’ve lost all your labour.

But why have I lost it?

Because she is not dear to my heart, nor does she please me.

What means it, then, that you gave me such strict injunctions, and sent letters to me?

Formerly I did love her; but now another passion influences my heart.

I’ faith, it is a shocking thing for that to be unpleasant for a man which you have managed well for him; where I’ve done well, I’ve in reality done ill, since love has shifted sides.

I wasn’t right in my mind when I sent those letters to you.

Is it proper that I should be the atonement for your folly,

so as for you to substitute my back as the scape-goat[*] for your folly?

Why are we making words about that? This man (pointing to himself) has need of forty minae, ready money, and in all haste, for him to pay a Banker, and speedily too.

Only tell me from what quarter you wish me to get them. From what banker am I to seek them?

From where you like. But if I don’t finger them before sunset,

don’t you enter my house; off with yourself to the mill.

You easily say that without risk and concern, and with a gay heart. I know our floggers; I feel the pain when I’m beaten.

How say you now? Will you suffer me to destroy myself?

Don’t do that. I’ll cope with this peril and bold attempt in preference.

Now you please me; now do I commend you.

I’ll submit to this in any way that’s pleasing to you.

What then is to be done about this music-girl?

Some method shall be found out; by some means I’ll disengage myself; some way I shall get extricated.

You are full of scheming; I know you of old.

There is a rich Captain of Eubœa[*], abounding in plenty of gold, who, when he knows that that one was bought for you, and that this other one has been brought here,

will forthwith be entreating you, of his own accord, to transfer that other one to him. But where is she whom you have brought with you?

I shall have her here just now.

What are we now doing here?

Let’s go in-doors here at your house, that, for the present, we may pass this day merrily.

Go in-doors; I’ll now call[*] a council in my heart to adopt measures about this money business,

against whom, in especial, war is to be declared, and out of whom I’m to get the money. Epidicus, consider what you are to do; thus suddenly has this business been thrown upon you. But now you must not be slumbering, nor have you any leisure for delay. Now must you be daring! ’Tis my fixed determination to lay siege to the old man. I’ll go indoors; I’ll tell the young man, my master’s son,