Curculio, or The Forgery (586b-615)

In some wheat with the greatest ease I’ll make you find even five hundred Curculios instead of one. Therefore I’m off; fare you well, and my service to you.

Fare you ill, a plague attend you. What shall I do? Shall I stop or go away? That I should have been imposed upon in this way!

I’d like to give a reward to him who would point out that fellow to me.

I’ve heard that an ancient Poet[*] wrote in a Tragedy, that two women are worse than one; such is the fact. But a more crafty woman than is this mistress of Phaedromus, I never saw or heard of, nor, i’ faith, can one be spoken of or imagined;

she, as soon as ever she saw that I had got this ring, asked me whence I got it. Why do you ask that? said I. Because I’ve need to know, said she. I said I wouldn’t tell her. To get it away, she seized hold of my hand with her teeth. With much ado I betook me out of doors, and made my escape. Away with this slut[*].

My Phaedromus, make haste.

Make haste for what?

That you mayn’t let the Parasite escape;

the affair’s of consequence.

Nothing have I[*] of consequence; for what I did have I quickly made away with?

I’ve got him;

what’s the matter?

Ask him whence he got that ring: my father used to wear it.

Why, troth, and so did my aunt.

My mother gave it him to wear.

And your father, in his turn, to me.

You are talking nonsense.

I’m in the habit; for by reason of it I make a livelihood the more easily. What is the matter now?

I entreat you, don’t be keeping me from finding my parents.

How can I? Have I got your father and mother hidden beneath the stone? (Holding up the ring.)

I was born a free woman.

And so were many others, who are now in servitude.

Really now, I’m vexed.

For my part, I’ve told you how this came into my possession. How often must you be told? I cheated the Captain at dice, I tell you.

I’m all right; see, here he is whom I was looking for. How do you do, good sir?

I hear you; three casts of the dice, if you like, even for that scarf of yours.

Why don’t you go to very perdition, with your casts and catch-pennies[*]? Either give me back the money or the young woman?

What money? what rubbish are you talking about to me? What young woman are you demanding back of me?

The one that you took away this day from the Procurer, you scoundrelly fellow.

I took none away.