Curculio, or The Forgery (456-515)

Do you know what this is about which I’m come to you?

Say on what you please.

You are to receive the money, and to send away the young woman with him. (Pointing to CURCULIO.)

But what if I’m bound on oath to another?

What matters that to you, so long as you get the money?

He who advises is as good as an accomplice. Do you follow.

Procurer, take care that you don’t cause me any delay.

By my faith, Phaedromus has cleverly met with this clever rogue; but whether a salt-water rogue[*] or a dry-land one I’m the rather to say he is, I really don’t know. The costume that I’ve lent I fear I shan’t get back.

Although I have nothing whatever to do with him (I trusted Phaedromus himself), still I’ll keep an eye upon him. But until he comes out of doors, I’ll point out in what place you may easily meet with each person, that he mayn’t lose his labour through too much trouble, if any one wishes to meet either a rascal or one without rascality, or an honest man or a dishonest one.

He who desires to meet with a perjured fellow, let him go into the courts of law[*]; he who wants a liar and a braggart, near the rites of Cloacina[*]. The rich and erring husbands seek you at the magisterial halls of the Basilica. There, too, will be the worn-out harlots, and those who are wont to haggle for them. Contributors to pic-nic dinners[*] you’ll find in the fishmarket.

In the lower part of the Forum good men[*] and opulent do walk; in the middle, near the canal[*], there are the mere puffers-off. Beyond the lake[*] of Curtius are impudent, talkative, and malevolent fellows, who boldly, without reason, utter calumnies about another, and who, themselves, have sufficient that might with truth be said against them.

There, at the old shops[*], are these who lend and those who borrow at interest. Behind the Temple of Castor there are those to whom unguardedly you may be lending to your cost. There, in the Etrurian street, are those men who hold themselves[*] on sale. In the Velabrum[*] you’ll find either baker, or butcher, or soothsayer; either those who sell retail themselves, or supply to others things to be sold by retail.

Rich sinning husbands you’ll find at the house of Oppian Leucadia[*]. But, meantime, the door makes a noise; I must curb my tongue.

Maiden, do you go before; what is behind me I cannot keep my eye upon. Both the trinkets of gold, and all the clothing that she had, were his own, he said.

No one is going to deny it.

Still, however, it’s somewhat better for me to remind you.

Remember that you’ve undertaken, that, if any one should assert in course of law that she’s properly free, all the money is to be returned to me-thirty minae.

I shall remember; be easy about that; and now I say the same.

But I wish you to remember this well.

I remember, and I shall deliver her to you on warranty[*].

And am I to take anything on warranty from a Procurer, people who have nothing of their own except a tongue only;

who, if anything’s entrusted them, deny it upon oath? You Procurers dispose of what belongs to others, you give liberty to what belongs to others, and what belongs to others your give your commands to; no guarantee of ownership is there in the transfer to yourselves, nor are you yourselves guarantees to another person. The race of Procurers, among mortals, in my way of thinking at least,

are just like flies, gnats, bugs, lice, and fleas—a plague, a mischief, and a nuisance; you are of no serviceable use, and no respectable person dares to stand with you in the Forum; he that does associate with you, they censure him, he’s spat upon and abused; they say that he has lost his property and his honor, although he has done nothing at all.

Upon my faith, my clever one-eyed friend, in my way of thinking, you are well acquainted with the Procurers.

You bankers, i’ faith, I put and place in the same rank; you are the very counterparts of them. They, at least, are on sale in dark corners, you in the very Forum[*]. You tear men to pieces with usury, they by persuading them amiss and by means of their dens. Full many a proposed statute[*] has the public confirmed on your account,

which when confirmed you break; some loophole you find out; just as boiling water becomes cold, so do you deem the laws.

I’d rather I’d held my tongue.

Not wrongfully, and with good reason, are you abusive against them.

If abuse is uttered against those who deserve it not, that I do hold to be abuse; but if it is uttered against those who are deserving, it is fair censure, in my way of thinking, at least.

I care nothing about your warranty, nor about any other Procurer whatever. Lyco, do you want anything with me?