Captivi: The Captives (452c-550)

Right heartily, farewell.

I’ faith, I compassed my design, when I purchased these men of the Quaestors out of the spoil. I have released my son from slavery, if so it pleases the Gods;

and yet I hesitated a long time whether I should purchase or should not purchase these persons. Watch that man indoors, if you please, you servants, that he may nowhere move a foot without a guard. I shall soon make my appearance at home; now I’m going to my brother’s, to see my other captives; at the same time I’ll enquire whether any one knows this young man.

(To PHILOCRATES.) Do you follow, that I may despatch you. I wish attention first to be paid to that matter.

Wretched is that man who is in search of something to eat, and finds that with difficulty; but more wretched is he who both seeks with difficulty, and finds nothing at all; most wretched is he, who, when he desires to eat, has not that which he may eat. But, by my faith, if I only could, I’d willingly tear out the eyes of this day;

—with such enmity has it filled all people towards me. One more starved out I never did see, nor one more filled with hunger[*], nor one who prospers less in whatever he begins to do. So much do my stomach and my throat take rest on these fasting holidays[*]. Away with the profession of a Parasite to very utter and extreme perdition!

so much in these days do the young men drive away from them the needy drolls. They care nothing now-a-days for these Laconian men[*] of the lowest benches—these whipping-posts, who have their clever sayings without provision and without money. They now-a-days seek those who, when they’ve eaten at their pleasure, may give them a return at their own houses. They go themselves to market, which formerly was the province of the Parasites.

They go themselves from the Forum to the procurers with face as exposed[*] as the magistrates in court[*], with face exposed, condemn those who are found guilty; nor do they now value buffoons at one farthing[*]; all are so much in love with themselves. For, when, just now, I went away from here, I came to some young men in the Forum: Good morrow, said I; whither are we going together to breakfast? On this, they were silent.

Who says, ‘here, at my house,’ or who makes an offer? said I. Just like dumb men, they were silent, and didn’t smile at me. Where do we dine? said I. On this they declined. I said one funny saying out of my best bon mots, by which I formerly used to get feasting for a month; not an individual smiled; at once I knew that the matter was arranged by concert.

Not even one was willing to imitate a dog when provoked; if they didn’t laugh, they might, at least, have grinned with their teeth[*]. From them I went away, after I saw that I was thus made sport of. I went to some others; then to some others I came; then to some others—the same the result. All treat the matter in confederacy, just like the oil-merchants in the Velabrum[*].

Now, I’ve returned thence, since I see myself made sport of there. In like manner do other Parasites walk to and fro, to no purpose, in the Forum. Now, after the foreign fashion[*], I’m determined to enforce all my rights. Those who have entered into a confederacy, by which to deprive us of food and life,—for them I’ll name a day. I’ll demand, as the damages, that they shall give me ten dinners

at my own option, when provisions are dear: thus will I do. Now I’ll go hence to the harbour. There, is my only hope of a dinner; if that shall fail me, I’ll return here to the old gentleman, to his unsavoury dinner.

What is there more delightful than to manage one’s own interests well for the public good[*], just as I did yesterday,

when I purchased these men. Every person, as they see me, comes to meet me, and congratulates me on this matter. By thus stopping and detaining unlucky me, they’ve made me quite tired. With much ado have I survived[*] from being congratulated, to my misfortune.

At last, to the Praetor did I get. There, scarcely did I rest myself. I asked for a passport; it was given me: at once I delivered it to Tyndarus. He started for home. Thence, straightway, after that was done, I passed by my house; and I went at once to my brother’s, where my other captives are. I asked about Philocrates from Elis, whether any one of them all knew the person.

This man (pointing to ARISTOPHONTES) called out that he had been his intimate friend; I told him that he was at my house. At once he besought and entreated me that I would permit him to see him. Forthwith I ordered him to be released from chains. Thence have I come. (To ARISTOPHONTES.) Now, do you follow me,

that you may obtain what you have besought of me, the opportunity of meeting with this person.

Now stands the matter so, that I would much rather that I had once existed, than that I still exist; now do my hopes, my resources, and my succour, desert me and spurn themselves. This is that day, when, for my life, no safety can be hoped; nor yet is death my end; nor hope is there, in fact, to dispel this fear for me;

nor cloak have I anywhere for my deceitful stratagems; nor for my devices or my subterfuges is there anywhere a screen presented to me. No deprecating is there for my perfidy; no means of flight for my offences. No refuge is there anywhere for my trusting; and no escape for my cunning schemes. What was concealed is now exposed; my plans are now divulged.

The whole matter is now laid open; nor is there any ado about this matter, but that I must perish outright, and meet with destruction, both on behalf of my master and myself. This Aristophontes has proved my ruin, who has just now come into the house. He knows me. He is the intimate friend and kinsman of Philocrates. Not Salvation herself[*] can save me now, even if she wishes; nor have I any means of escape,

unless, perchance, I devise some artifice in my mind. (He meditates.) Plague on it!-how? What can I contrive?—what can I think of? Some very great folly and trifling I shall have to begin with. I’m quite at a loss.

Whither am I to say, now, that this man has betaken himself from the house out of doors?

Now, for a very certainty, I’m done for; the enemies are coming to you, Tyndarus!

What shall I say?—what shall I talk of? What shall I deny, or what confess? All matters are reduced to uncertainty. How shall I place confidence in my resources? I wish the Gods had destroyed you, before you were lost to your own country, Aristophontes, who, from a plot well concerted, are making it disconcerted. This plan is ruined outright, unless I find out for myself some extremely bold device.

Follow me. See, there is the man; go to him and address him.

What mortal among mortals is there more wretched than myself?

Why’s this, that I’m to say that you are avoiding my gaze, Tyndarus? And why that you are slighting me as a stranger, as though you had never known me? Why, I’m as much a slave as yourself; although at home I was a free man, you, even from your childhood, have always served in slavery in Elis.

I’ faith, I’m very little surprised, if either he does avoid your gaze, or if he does shun you, who are calling him Tyndarus, instead of Philocrates.

Hegio, this person was accounted a madman in Elis. Don’t you give ear to what he prates about; for at home he has pursued his father and mother with spears,

and that malady sometimes comes upon him which is spit out[*] Do you this instant stand away at a distance from him.