Asinaria, or The Ass-Dealer (741c-790c)

He came round that way[*] by the lane, through the garden, lest any one of his friends should see him coming here; he’s afraid that his wife may come to know of it. If your mother knew about the money, how it was obtained—

Well, well—

do use words of good omens[*];

go in-doors quickly,

farewell.

And you two, love on.

Come now, show me this agreement that you’ve written out between myself and the procuress. Read over the conditions; for you are a quite unique composer[*] in such matters.

I’ll make the procuress be terrified when she hears the conditions.

Troth now, prithee, proceed and read them over to me.

Are you attending?

I’m all attention.

Diabolus, the son of Glaucus, has made a present to Cleaereta, the procuress, of twenty silver minae, that Philenium may be with him night and day for this whole year.

Yes, and not with any other person.

Am I to add that?

Add it, and take care and write it plainly and distinctly.

And not admit any other man whatever, because either her friend or her patron, she may choose to call him—

Not any one!

Or because she may say that he is the lover of a female friend of hers. The door must be closed to all men except to yourself.

On the door she must write that she is engaged. Or, because she may affirm that the letter has been brought from abroad, there is not to be even any letter in the house, nor so much as a waxed tablet; and if there is any useless picture[*], let her sell it; if she does not part with it, within four days

from the time when she has received the money of you, let it be considered as your own; you to burn it if you like; so that she may have no wax, with which she may be able to make a letter. She is to invite no guest; you are to invite them. On no one of them is she to cast her eyes:

if she looks upon any other person, she must be blind forthwith[*]. Then she is to drink cup by cup equally with yourself. She is to receive it from you; she is to hand it to you for you to drink. She is not to have a relish for less or for more than yourself.

That’s quite to my taste.

She is to remove all causes of suspicion from her,

nor is she to tread on any man’s foot[*] with her foot; when she rises she is neither to step upon the next couch, nor when she gets down from the couch is she thence to extend her hand to any one; she is not to give to nor ask of any one a ring for her to look at; she is not to present dice to any man whatever except to yourself;

when she throws[*] them, she is not to say, ’You I call upon,’ she is to mention your name. She may call on any Goddess that she pleases as propitious to her, but on no God: if she should chance to be very full of devotion, she is to tell you, and you are to pray to him that he may be propitious. She is neither to nod at any man, wink, or make a sign.

In fine, if the lamp goes out, she is not to move a single joint of herself in the dark.

That’s very good; so, in fact, she must do: but expunge that about the chamber; for my part, I prefer that she should move. I don’t wish her to have an excuse, and to say that it is forbidden her by her vow.

I understand, you fear some quibble.

Just so.

Then as you bid me, I’ll strike it out.