Asinaria, or The Ass-Dealer (520-560)

But, i’ faith, if I only put up my oars in the boat-house[*] while I’m resting, all the welfare of the household is at a standstill for you.

How say you, the out and out most insolent woman that ever I saw? How often have I forbidden you to speak to Argyrippus, the son of Demaenetus, or to touch him, or to hold discourse with him, or to look at him? What has he ever given? What has he ordered to be brought to our house? Or do you fancy to yourself

that smooth words are gold?—that clever speeches are as good as presents? Of your own accord you fell in love with him; of your own accord you go after him; of your own accord you request him to be sent for to you. Those who are givers, those same you laugh at; those who are cheating us, you are dying for. If any one promises you that he’ll make you rich when his mother dies, ought you to be waiting for that?

I’ faith, a great risk impends over ourselves and the household, that we may die of hunger while we are awaiting her death. Now therefore, unless he brings me here twenty minae of silver, upon my word, though profuse of his tears, he shall certainly be turned from here out of doors. This day’s the end of[*] excuses for poverty at my house.

If, my mother, you were to order me to go without victuals, I would submit.

I don’t forbid you to love those who give that for the sake of which they ought to be loved.

What, mother, if this inclination of mine is fixed? What am I to do? Tell me.

Oh dear—look at my head[*], if, indeed, you consider your own interest.

Even the shepherd, mother, that feeds the sheep of another, has a certain one of his own to be the consoler of his hopes. For the sake of my affection, do allow me to love Argyrippus only, who is my choice.

Go in-doors, for, upon my word, there is really nothing more impudent than yourself.

Mother, you have given birth to a daughter obedient to your commands.

Great praise and thanks we give deservedly to perfidy, when relying upon our tricks, our stratagems, and our devices, upon our confidence in our shoulder-blades and the hardihood resulting from the elm-twigs so oft applied, against the whips, the searing-irons, the crosses, and the fetters,

the cords, the chains, the prisons, the stocks, the shackles, the collars, and taskmasters most cruel and well acquainted with our backs, who many a time before have imprinted[*] scars upon our shoulder-blades; by conquering, now, these legions, troops and armies of thieves,

by our prowess, through our perjuries, O brave, have we gained the victory. This, through the valour of this comrade of mine, and through my own courtesy, has been brought about.

What man is there more firm than myself at enduring stripes?

By the powers, you who can extol your exploits now, as I can do exploits, which in peace and in warfare you have so — villanously performed;

verily, in troth, many in number may they be now recounted according to your deserts; where you have defrauded him that trusted you, where you have proved faithless to your master, where knowingly and wilfully you have on solemn oath been perjured, where you have bored through party walls, where you have been detected in theft, where you have full oft pleaded your cause, as you hung up, against eight