Asinaria, or The Ass-Dealer (167-195)

What limit is there to be to giving? For really you can never be satisfied; the moment that you’ve received something, not very long after, you are devising something for you to be asking for.

What limit is there to be to your enjoying yourself, and to your indulging your amour? Can you never be satisfied?

The moment that you have sent her home, that instant, you are directly asking me to send her back to you.

In fact, I have given whatever you have demanded of me.

And I have sent the damsel to you. A requital has been given, like for like; a return for the money.

You treat me badly.

Why do you blame me if I do my duty? For nowhere is it either feigned in story or represented in pictures or written in poems,

where a procuress, who wishes to thrive, treats any lover well.

Still, ’twere right for you to show favour to me at least, that I might last the longer for you.

Don’t you know, the woman that shows favour to a lover, that same woman shows little favour to herself? Just like a fish, so is a lover to a procuress; he’s good for nothing if he isn’t fresh. Then it has juice, then it has sweetness; in any fashion you like you may season it,

either stewed or roasted; ill any way you will, you may turn it. So the lover; he’s ready to give, he longs for something to be asked of him, for there it’s taken from a full stock, nor does he know what he’s giving, or what mischief he’s doing. Of this matter does the new lover think; he wishes himself to please his mistress, he wishes to please me, he wishes to please her lady’s maid[*], he wishes to please the men-servants, he wishes to please the maid-servants as well, and even my dog

does he caress, that when it sees him, it may be delighted. I tell the truth; it shows cleverness for every person to be fair-dealing for his own advantage.

I’ve thoroughly learned that this is true, to my own great misfortune.

I’ faith, if you now had anything to give, you’d be uttering different remarks; now, since you’ve got nothing, you expect to be having her by means of harsh language.

’Tis not my way.

Nor yet mine, indeed, i’ faith, to be sending her to you for nothing; but this shall be done out of regard for your youthful age and your own sake, since you have rather been the cause of profit to us than of reputation to yourself. If two talents of silver[*] are paid me down, reckoned in my hand, this night will I grant you for nothing, as a present, by reason of my respect for you.

What if I haven’t it?