The Mistaken Critic, or a Discourse on the Word (29-30)

Then, being in such case, you bother about words, do you, and laugh, and insult other people? Not without reason, for we could not all use expressions like yours. How ever could we? Who is so greatly daring in language as to ask for a trident instead of a sword to use on three adulterers, as you did?[*] Or to say of Theopompus, in passing judgement on his Tricaranus,[*] that he had razed the outstanding cities single-handed with a three-pronged book? And again, that he had plied a ruinous trident upon Hellas, and that he was a literary Cerberus.[*] Why, the other day you even lighted a lantern and went peering about, for some “brother,” I suppose, that had got astray. And there are other examples beyond counting, which it is not worth while to mention, except for one that was heard and reported. A rich man, I gather, and two poor men were on bad terms. Then, in the middle of the story, speaking of the rich man, you said: “He killed θάτερον (meaning one of the two, instead of saying τὸν ἕτερον); and when those present laughed, as was natural, by way of correcting and undoing your slip you said: “No, not that; he killed ἅτερον Your old-time slips I pass over, your use of the dual in speaking of three months, of ἀνηνεμία (for νηνεμία, windlessness), of πέταμαι (for πέτομαι, I fly), of ἐκχύνειν (for ἐκχεῖν, to pour out), and all the other fine flowers that adorn your compositions.

As to what you do under the impulsion of poverty —by our Lady of Necessity! I cannot censure a single act. It can be overlooked, for example, if a man in the pinch of hunger who has received moneys entrusted to him by a man of his own city subsequently takes a false oath that he received nothing; or if a man shamelessly asks for gifts—begs, in fact— and steals and plies the trade of publican. That is not what I am talking about; for there is nothing invidious in fending off destitution by every means. But it goes beyond what is endurable when you, a poor man, pour the proceeds of your shamelessness into such indulgences only. However, you will permit me to praise one thing, anyhow, that very pretty performance of yours when you yourself—and you know it—composed the “Tisias’ Handbook,” that work of an ill-omened crow, thus robbing that stupid old man of thirty gold pieces; for because of Tisias’ name he paid seven hundred and fifty drachmas for the book, gulled into it by you.[*]