A Professor of Public Speaking (22)

“I almost omitted the thing that is most important and most needful for maintaining your reputation. Laugh at all the speakers. If anyone makes a fine speech, let it appear that he is parading something that belongs to someone else and is not his own; and if he is mildly criticized, let everything that he says be objectionable. At public lectures, go in after everybody else, for that makes you conspicuous; and when everybody is silent, let fall an uncouth expression of praise which will draw the attention of the company and so annoy them that they will all be disgusted at the vulgarity of your

language and will stop their ears.[*] Do not make frequent gestures of assent, for that is common, and do not rise,[*] except once or at most twice. As a rule, smile faintly, and make it evident that you are not satisfied with what is being said. There are plenty of opportunities for criticism if one has captious ears.

“For the rest, you need have no fear. Effrontery and shamelessness, a prompt lie, with an oath to confirm it always on the edge of your lips, jealousy and hatred of everyone, abuse and plausible slanders —all this will make you famous and distinguished in an instant.