The Parasite Tychiades (2)

TYCHIADES Really, would anyone who was not insane call that an art, Simon?

SIMON I do; and if you think I am insane, think also that my insanity is the reason for my not knowing any other art and acquit me of your charges at once. They say, you know, that this malign spirit, cruel in all else to those whom she inhabits, at least secures them remission of their sins, like a schoolmaster or a tutor, by taking the blame for them upon herself.

TYCHIADES Well then, Simon, Parasitic is an art?

SIMON Indeed it is, and I am a craftsman in it.[*] TYCHIADES Then you are a parasite?

SIMON That was a cruel thrust, Tychiades!

TYCHIADES But do not you blush to call yourself a parasite?

SIMON Not at all; I should be ashamed not to speak it out.

TYCHIADES Then, by Zeus, when we wish to tell about you to someone who does not know you, when he wants to find out about you, of course we shall be correct in referring to you as “the parasite”?

SIMON Far more correct in referring to me so than in referring to Phidias as a sculptor, for I take quite as much joy in my art as Phidias did in his Zeus.

TYCHIADES I say, here is a point; as I think of it, a gale of laughter has come over me!

SIMON What is it?

TYCHIADES What if we should address you in due form at the top of our letters as “Simon the Parasite”!

SIMON Why, you would do me greater pleasure than you would Dion by addressing him as “the Philosopher.”[*]