The Dead Come to Life, or the Fisherman (36-40)

FRANKNESS

Each of them is your friend as long as silver and gold are not in sight on the table; but if you merely give them a glimpse of an obol, the peace is broken, it is war without truce or parley

everywhere, the pages of their books have become blank, and Virtue has taken to her heels. So it is with dogs, when you toss a bone among them; they spring to their feet and begin biting each other and barking at the one that was first to snatch the bone.

It is said, too, that a king of Egypt once taught apes to dance, and that the animals, as they are very apt at imitating human ways, learned quickly and gave an exhibition, with purple mantles about them and masks on their faces. For a long time the show, they say, went well, until a facetions spectator, having nuts in his pocket, tossed them into the midst. On catching sight of them, the monkeys forgot their dance, changed from artists of the ballet to the simians that they really were, smashed their masks, tore their costumes, and fought with each other for the nuts; whereby the carefully planned ballet was entirely broken up, and was laughed at by the spectators.

FRANKNESS

These self-styled philosophers do just that, and I for my part abused their sort, and shall never stop criticizing and ridiculing them. But as for you and those who resemble you—for there are, there are some who truly cultivate philosophy and abide by your laws—may I never be so insane as to say anything abusive or unkind of you! What could I say? What is there of that nature in the lives that you have led? But those pretenders and miscreants deserve in my opinion to be hated. Come, now, Pythagoras, Plato, Chrysippus, Aristotle—what do you say? Have their sort anything to do with you,

ov have they displayed any similarity or kinship in their mode of life? Aye, “Heracles and the monkey, as the proverb has it![*] Because they have long beards and claim to be philosophers and look sour, ought they to be compared with you? [could have: put up with it if they were at least convincing in their roles, but as things are, it would be easier for a buzzard to imitate a nightingale than for them to imitate philosophers.

I have said all that I had to say in my own defence. Truth, tell them whether it is true.

PHILOSOPHY

Stand aside, Frankness; still farther ... What are we to do? What did you think of the man’s speech?

TRUTH

For my part, Philosophy, while he was speaking I prayed that I might sink into the earth, so true was everything that he said. In fact, as I listened, I recognized each of the men who act that way and applied his remarks to them: “That refers to this man; so-and-so does that.” In short, he portrayed the gentlemen to the life, as in a painting, accurate likenesses in every respect, depicting not only their persons, but their very souls‘as faithfully as could be.

VIRTUE

I, Virtue, also had to blush for shame.

PHILOSOPHY

And what say you?

PLATO

What else but to acquit him of the charge and set him down as our friend and benefactor? Indeed, just what happened to the Ilians[*] has happened to us— we have brought down upon ourselves an actor of tragedies to hold forth about the woes of the Trojans! Let him hold forth, then, and make tragedies out of these miscreants.

DIOGENES

I, too, Philosophy, commend the man highly, take back my complaint and count him a friend, for he is a gallant fellow.

PHILOSOPHY

Good! Come, Frankness. We acquit you of the charge; you have an unanimous verdict in your favour, and from now on you may count yourself one of my household.

FRANKNESS

I pay my homage at once. (He kisses his hand.) But no! I think I shall do it more as they do in a play, for that will be more reverential:

O Victory, goddess so greatly revered,

Take my life in thy care

And cease not to crown me with garlands.

Euripides, close of Phoenissac, Orestes, Iphigenia om Tauris.

VIRTUE

Well, then, let us now initiate our second bowl of wine. Let us summon up those others to be punished for the insults they are inflicting upon us. Frankness shall accuse each of them.

PHILOSOPHY

Quite right, Virtue; so slip down into the town, Syllogism, my lad, and summon the philosophers.

SYLLOGISM

Oyez! Silence! Let the philosophers come to the Acropolis to present their defence before Virtue, Philosophy, and Justice.

FRANKNESS

Do you see! Very few of them understood the summons and are coming up. Besides, they fear Justice, and most of them are actually too busy because of their attentions to the rich. If you wish them all to come, Syllogism, make your proclamation like this—

SYLLOGISM

No! You summon them, Frankness. in the way you think best.