Philosophies for Sale (16-20)

But I swear to you by the dog and the plane-tree that this is so.

Heracles! What curious gods!

What is that you say? Don’t you think the dog is a god? Don’t you know about Anubis in Egypt, how great he is, and about Sirius in the sky and Cerberus in the world below?

Quite right; I was entirely mistaken. But what is your manner of life?

I dwell in a city that I created for myself, using an imported constitution and enacting statutes of my own.[*]

I should like to hear one of your enactments.

Let me tell you the most important one, the view

You mean by this that you have abolished the laws against adultery?

Yes, and in a word, all this pettiness about such matters.

What is your attitude as to pretty boys?

Their kisses shall be a guerdon for the bravest after they have done some splendid, reckless deed.

My word, what generosity! And what is the gist of your wisdom?

My “ideas”; I mean the patterns of existing things: for of everything that you behold, the earth, with all that is upon it, the sky, the sea, invisible images exist outside the universe.

Where do they exist?

Nowhere; for if they were anywhere, they would not be.[*]

I do not see these patterns that you speak of.

Of course not, for the eye of your soul is blind; but I see images of everything,—an invisible “you,” another “me,” and in a word, two of everything.

Then I must buy you for your wisdom and your sharp sight. (Zo Hermes.) Come, let’s see what price you will make me for him?

Give me two talents.

He is sold to me at the price you mention, But I will pay the money later on.

What is your name?

Dion of Syracuse.[*]

He is yours; take him, with good luck to you. Epicurean, I want you now. Who will buy him? He is a pupil of the laugher yonder and of the drunkard, both of whom we put up a short time ago.[*] In one way, however, he knows more than they, because he is more impious. Besides, he is agreeable and fond of good eating.

What is his price?

Two minas.

Here you are. But, say! I want to know what food he likes.

He eats sweets and honey-cakes, and, above all, figs.

No trouble about that; we shall buy him cakes of pressed figs from Caria.

Call another, the one over there with the cropped head, the dismal fellow from the Porch.

Quite right; at all events it looks as if the men who frequent the public square were waiting for him in great numbers.[*] I sell virtue itself, the most perfect of philosophies. Who wants to be the only one to know everything?

What do you mean by that?

That he is the only wise man, the only handsome man, the only just man, brave man, king, orator, rich man, lawgiver, and everything else that there is.[*]

Then he is the only cook,—yes and the only tanner or carpenter, and so forth?

So it appears.