Zeus the Tragedian (42-44)

Timokles

Then all mankind and the nations have been deceived in believing in the gods and celebrating their feasts?

Damis

It is a good thing, Timokles, that you reminded me of the religious opinions among the nations, the very things which best show that there is no certainty about gods. For there is

much confusion, and different races have different faiths. The Scythians worship a sword; the Thracians, Zamolxis, a fugitive who came to them from Samos; the Phrygians, Mena; the Ethiopians, Day; the Assyrians, a dove; the Persians, fire; the Egyptians, water. Moreover, while this waterworship is common to all the Egyptians, the peculiar god of the people of Memphis is the bull, and that of the Pelusians is the onion; and others worship the ibis or the crocodile, and others a dog-headed creature or a cat or an ape. And, again, the rural communities differ from one another, so that some men hold the right shoulder to be a god, but those that dwell opposite to them the left. And some worship one side of the head, and others an earthen wine-cup or a bowl. Are not these things absurd, friend Timokles?

Momos

Did I not tell you, deities, that all these things would come to light and be rigorously investigated?

Zeus

You did, Momos, and your censure was just; and if we escape this present danger, I for one will try to straighten out these matters.

Timokles

But tell me, god-forsaken wretch, whose work would you call oracles and prophecies of future events, if not of the gods and their providence?

Damis

Hold your peace, my good fellow, on the subject of the oracles, for I shall ask you

which of them in particular you would like to recall. Perhaps that one Apollo delivered to the Lydian, which was neatly double-edged and looked both ways, like some of the Hermae, which are exactly alike on both sides to whichever part of them you look. For tell me, will Croesus by crossing the Halys be more likely to overthrow his own kingdom or that of Cyros? And yet that Sardian pest paid no small sum for this reversible utterance.

Momos

The man is enumerating the very things I was most afraid of. Where now is our handsome harper? Go down and defend yourself against these charges of his.

Zeus

You strike us when we are down, Momos, finding fault with us now, when the season is past.