Zeus the Tragedian (1-5)

Hera

Do you imagine that I don't know the cause of your distress?

Zeus

"Thou dost not know, els hadst thou shrieked aloud."

Hera

I know that the sum and substance of your trouble comes from love-making. Of course, I do not shriek, for I am used to this insulting treatment at your hands. Undoubtedly you have come upon some Danae or Semele or Europa again, and are attacked with love, and so you are scheming to become a bull or a satyr, or to pour down as a shower of golden rain through the roof into your lady-love's lap. These groans, these tears, this pallor are symptoms of the lover and nobody else.

Zeus

Hera, Timokles the Stoic and Damis the Epicurean held a discussion yesterday on the doctrine of providence. I do not know how the question arose, but the audience was large and respectable, and that, to my mind, was the most annoying feature of the affair. Damis denied that the gods exist or have any hand whatever in the ordering and administration of the world. But the worthy Timokles strove to defend our side, and just then a crowd of people streamed in, so that the meeting came to no decision, but dissolved,

agreeing to consider the rest of the question later. And now they are all on tiptoe with eagerness to hear which of the orators will prevail and be adjudged to set forth the truer cause. Do you see the danger and the strait we are in, since our cause stands or falls with a single man? One of two things will happen: either we shall be deemed mere names, and so of course disregarded, or else, if Timokles prove the better speaker, we shall be honored as heretofore.

Hera

Really this is very dreadful, and you were not so far wrong, Zeus, in addressing us in tragic vein.

Zeus

And yet you thought it was some Danae or Antiope that I was thinking about in such distress. Well, Hermes and Hera and Athene, what would be best? Take your turns in helping me to discover.

Hermes

I for my part say that an assembly ought to be called for open discussion.

Hera

I think precisely as he does.

Athene

But it strikes me just the other way, father. I do not think you ought to involve all heaven in your embarrassment, or show your own alarm at the affair; but make your arrangements privately so that Timokles may triumph and Damis be laughed out of court.

Hermes

But, Zeus, this course will not be unperceived, for the philosophers will hold their

tournament in public, and you will be accused of Caesarism if you do not let all have a voice in matters so weighty and common to all.