To Demonicus (31-35)

But to be affable, you must not be quarrelsome, nor hard to please, nor always determined to have your way; you must not oppose harshly the angry moods of your associates, even if they happen to be angry without reason, but rather give way to them when they are in the heat of passion and rebuke them when their anger has cooled; you must avoid being serious when the occasion is one for mirth, or taking pleasure in mirth when the occasion is serious (for what is unseasonable is always offensive); you must not bestow your favors ungraciously as do the majority who, when they must oblige their friends, do it offensively; and you must not be given to fault-finding, which is irksome, nor be censorious, which is exasperating.

If possible avoid drinking-parties altogether,[*] but if ever occasion arises when you must be present, rise and take your leave before you become intoxicated;[*] for when the mind is impaired by wine it is like chariots which have lost their drivers; for just as these plunge along in wild disorder when they miss the hands which should guide them, so the soul stumbles again and again when the intellect is impaired.[*] Cultivate the thoughts of an immortal by being lofty of soul, but of a mortal by enjoying in due measure the good things which you possess.[*]

Consider culture to be a good so far superior to the lack of culture that while in general everyone derives gain from the practice of vice, boorishness[*] is the one vice which actually penalizes its possessors; for the latter are often punished in deed for the offences they give by their words. When you desire to make a friend of anyone, say good things about him to those who are wont to report them; for praise is the foundation of friendship, as blame is that of enmity.

In your deliberations, let the past be an exemplar for the future;[*] for the unknown may be soonest discerned by reference to the known.[*] Be slow in deliberation, but be prompt to carry out your resolves. Consider that as the best thing which we have from the gods is good fortune, so the best thing which we have in ourselves is good judgement. When there is anything of which you are ashamed to speak openly, but about which you wish to confer with some of your friends, speak as though it were another’s affair; thus you will get at their opinion, and will not betray your own case.

Whenever you purpose to consult with anyone about your affairs, first observe how he has managed his own; for he who has shown poor judgement in conducting his own business will never give wise counsel about the business of others. The greatest incentive you can have to deliberation is to observe the misfortunes which spring from the lack of it; for we pay the closest attention to our health when we recall the pains which spring from disease.