To Demonicus (21-25)

Train yourself in self-imposed toils, that you may be able to endure those which others impose upon you.[*] Practice self-control in all the things by which it is shameful for the soul to be controlled,[*] namely, gain, temper, pleasure, and pain. You will attain such self-control if you regard as gainful those things which will increase your reputation and not those which will increase your wealth; if you manage your temper towards those who offend against you as you would expect others to do if you offended against them; if you govern your pleasures on the principle that it is shameful to rule over one’s servants and yet be a slave to one’s desires; and if, when you are in trouble, you contemplate the misfortunes of others and remind yourself that you are human.

Guard more faithfully the secret which is confided to you than the money which is entrusted to your care; for good men ought to show that they hold their honor more trustworthy than an oath. Consider that you owe it to yourself no less to mistrust bad men than to put your trust in the good. On matters which you would keep secret, speak to no one save when it is equally expedient for you who speak and for those who hear that the facts should not be published.

Never allow yourself to be put under oath save for one of two reasons—in order to clear yourself of disgraceful charges or to save your friends from great dangers. In matters of money, swear by none of the gods, not even when you intend to swear a true oath; for you will be suspected on the one hand of perjury, on the other of greed.

Make no man your friend before inquiring how he has used his former friends;[*] for you must expect him to treat you as he has treated them. Be slow[*] to give your friendship, but when you have given it, strive to make it lasting; for it is as reprehensible to make many changes in one’s associates as to have no friend at all. Neither test your friends to your own injury nor be willing to forgo a test of your companions. You can manage this if you pretend to be in want when really you lack nothing.

Confide in them about matters which require no secrecy as if they were secrets; for if you fail you will not injure yourself, and if you succeed you will have a better knowledge of their character. Prove your friends by means of the misfortunes of life and of their fellowship in your perils; for as we try gold in the fire, so we come to know our friends when we are in misfortune.[*] You will best serve your friends if you do not wait for them to ask your help, but go of your own accord at the crucial moment to lend them aid.